BOOKS : RELATIONSHIPS

  • FOR THOSE CONTEMPLATING A RELATIONSHIP:
  • Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix - A well-known book that helps you understand the unconscious processes at work in relationships. Kind of a mind-blower. 
  • Calling in 'The One' by Katherine Woodward Thomas - From the author who later became famous for "Conscious Uncoupling," this book is great for those who are drawn to unavailable people. My blog post here
  • Wired for Dating by Stan Tatkin - How you become attracted to certain people, ways in which you move toward or away from them, and how the brain and nervous system play a part. 

 

  • FOR THOSE IN RELATIONSHIP:
  • After the Honeymoon: How Conflict Can Improve Your Relationship by Dan Wile - This should be required reading. The #1 issue I see with couples is not talking about the small stuff and withdrawing from each other. This book helps you to express the subtext - what you and your partner are feeling but not saying - in every conversation. 
  • Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel - No one writes about sex (especially sex in long term reltionships) better than Esther Perel. And even better than reading her is listening to her. You can start with my blog post & her video here
  • Facing Codependence and Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody. Fun reads! 😉 But, really, she's the expert on these two very important issues. You may be unaware of the ways these are sabotaging your life. Figuring that out can be pretty transformational. Blog post here

 

  • WORTH NOTING:
  • I feel like authors such as Sue Johnson (who argues that monogamy is our natural state), Stan Tatkin, Harville Hendrix come from an attachment-focus, meaning that they believe personal growth and development best occur within a relationship. You learn to love yourself by being in a relationship. 
  • Whereas authors such as Esther Perel (who argues that monogamy is perhaps not our natural state), Katherine Woodward Thomas, Margaret Paul, Terry Real believe that it's important to learn to love yourself before being in a relationship and not look to a relationship to do that for you. 
  • Try both approaches for yourself and see what feels right!