Safety, What a Feeling!

I recently received anesthesia for a small medical procedure. While in the recovery bed enjoying the post-op buzzy afterglow, I experienced a profound feeling: I Felt Safe.

Not until Biden was announced the winner of the election did I realize how deeply unsafe I have felt these last four years. The unpredictability, chaos and cruelty of Trump’s presidency had taken more of a daily toll than I had realized. And I’m a privileged white person.

In the hospital, safety came from the voices of the nurses I heard around me. They were caring, professional, and in control of the situation.

For those of us who grew up feeling a bit unsafe in our childhood environments, we compensate by trying to maintain control at all times. Imagine how healing, then, to find people who protect us, offer physical & emotional safety, and who can reliably take control of the reins.

When do you feel safe? Who helps you feel safe?

Is it possible that you are over-achieving because maybe you don’t feel safe? And that staying super-high-functioning actually helps you feel in control and safe?

Here is a practice you can do at home to start to build that inner feeling of safety and really absorb it into your subconscious.

First, let’s come up with someone or thing that helps you feel safe. This is a little different than something that helps you feel calm. A bath may be relaxing, but it doesn’t really *protect* you.

For this exercise, I want you to feel Protected. If this person - or animal - is around, you will not get fucked with. They WILL NOT let that happen. You can completely let your guard down because this person will stop at nothing to protect you. You will not get hurt.

I mentioned how Joe Biden is bringing me a deep sense of safety. I know we’re not in a perfect place politically, but he’s doing something good for me.

Blockbuster action-hero movies also bring me some kind of nostalgic, sentimental feeling of protection.

So I’ve been using this video of Biden & The Superhero Democrats (The Obamas! Stacey Abrams!) as my Protective Figures.

We talked about thinking of someone who 100% protects you and would throw down if anyone even thought of fucking with you. This could be a real person you know, a famous or fictional person, a badass animal, an all-powerful spiritual figure.

Close your eyes and bring this figure to mind. Let yourself feel their strong, protective qualities. How they guard you and protect you, how they keep danger away, and make sure you are safe.

If you’ve never experienced this in real life, just let yourself imagine it. You can let go of control. Absolutely no harm will come to you when this figure is here.

Close your eyes. What are you seeing? Hearing? What emotions are there? What are you feeling in your body? Let your senses come alive. Deep breath.

Now cross your arms in front of your chest and alternately tap each shoulder. Right-left, right-left. Tap 6 to 12 times, then stop and check in with yourself. If it feels good and the image is strengthening, you can tap some more.

Tap as long as it feels positive. Begin to tap at a slow, rhythmic pace, and then find the pace that feels best to you. While you tap, focus on the whole feeling this is bringing to you, allowing the feeling to increase. Start with short rounds, pausing in between, to make sure it’s feeling good.

If a distressing memory arises, stop tapping and take a break. Bring yourself to a calm, safe place within by taking deep breaths and imagining yourself in a place you love. Maybe put the memory aside, in a safe container, where you can come back to it another time. For now, just focus on calming and bringing yourself back to a comfortable place.

I hope you enjoy this practice 🖤 Let me know how it goes!

EMDR

Samburu or Maasai

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a powerful, well-researched treatment for anxiety & trauma that activates each side of the brain and accelerates the processing of memories. ⁣

⁣This technique, called "Bilateral Stimulation (BLS)," occurs, for example, by holding buzzers that alternate a soft vibration in each hand ... right-left, right-left.⁣

If this sounds bizarre, I'm with you. ⁣

However, when we activate a disturbing memory by bringing up the emotions, body sensations & thoughts associated with it and then add BLS, an extraordinary free-associative mind-body process begins. ⁣

Thoughts, feelings, old memories, or dreamlike fantasies move rapidly through our awareness during this time. As this information is processed, new insights and ways of viewing ourselves & our lives emerge. ⁣

It's an "a-ha" moment, when things register in a profound way and the negative emotions are less charged. These old memories, and our interpretations of them, no longer feel as disturbing. ⁣

⁣It's Possible: The memories do not go away, but the ongoing, circular thoughts just do not bother you as much anymore!⁣

Despite all the empirical evidence of the power of Bilateral Stimulation (BLS) to help people, we do not know exactly how it works in scientific terms. There are two main theories that may shed some light. ⁣

⁣Theory 1:

The rhythm of the stimulation causes a calming effect on the nervous system. Drumming & dancing have been used for thousands of years by cultures around the world to support the processing of traumatic experiences. The calming effect of rhythm may be hardwired into us from the time we were in our mother's womb, listening to her heartbeat. ⁣

⁣

Theory 2:

This explanation involves the right-left stimulation of the brain's two hemispheres. Similar to what happens during REM or dream sleep, information is processed in a non-linear way, memories are activated and then integrated into a broader picture. In our dream state, or when we tap right-left, right-left, we help the brain activate memory networks and integrate information that is stored in our subconscious and not always accessible in our everyday waking life. ⁣

Do you have trouble making decisions? Quieting the critical voice in your head? Believing that you're good enough? Putting your past behind you?⁣

Try EMDR ... It is amazing the peace you can find!⁣

#LaurelParnell

EMDR on Showtime's "The Affair"

This year I got to consult about EMDR Therapy on Showtime's compelling tv series, "The Affair." The writers, actors and I worked together to explain the therapy in a way to hopefully make sense to audiences.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) was discovered by Francine Shapiro, PhD in 1988. The technique has a direct effect on the way the brain processes information, releasing emotional experiences that are trapped in the nervous system.

When your eyes follow the back-and-forth movements of the therapist's fingers or you hold vibrating buzzers in each of your hands, a process called "bilateral stimulation" of the brain begins. This brain state is similar to that seen during REM sleep, in which we activate more distant associations than in the normal waking state. The process gives us access to loosely associated memories and images from our past similar to when we're dreaming.

This helps you put traumatic experiences into a larger context or perspective. You are able to observe your experiences in a new way and heal from trauma without the usual blocks.

This can be for something specific, like a traumatic event, or for entrenched patterns that don't seem to change, such as persistent negative beliefs.

Wondering if it could work for you? Please reach out with questions!