Psychology

Do You Have to Have Labels in Your Relationship?

"She loves me, she loves me not," American children sing as they pluck petals off flowers.

How many more shades of gray are allowed in France, where children recite, "She loves me a little, a lot, passionately, madly, or not at all."


"We Americans do not like ambiguity. We need to know where things are going; we do not like not knowing. Because rather than setting things in motion, we prefer to set things in stone with clear objectives, goals, and outcomes.


Is he my soulmate or my future husband? Does he love me or does he love me not?

We gag the life out of experiences that might not lead to marriage but would still ripen one’s sensibilities.

How about you? Are you willing to contemplate or accept an experience that doesn’t necessarily go anywhere in particular, but that is still an essential part of love, sex, and being human?"

- Debra Ollivier



Therapy Doesn't Have to be So Serious

Therapy doesn’t have to be so serious. Be certain: We take YOU very seriously, but we're not sitting on high horses judging or over-analyzing you.

In fact, humor and levity are key components of successful therapy. Yes, this is real stuff we’re addressing in here, but it’s part of being human. We’re all going through the same shit and doing the best we can.

Relationships, sex, career, family, disappointments & hurts, negative thoughts, the search for meaning, personal fulfillment — this is what we talk about.

If you've been thinking about trying therapy, but weren't sure where to begin, we are here and will make it easy for you! DM, call, text, email.

Embed Block
Add an embed URL or code. Learn more

Freeze State

The overwhelm we feel is the point, a political strategy to overload people with so much alarming information and sudden changes that our ability to process is compromised.


Being emotionally flooded can cause a stress response that triggers fight or flight - or perhaps one of the lesser known survival responses - to fawn or freeze.


My default is freeze. In an acute moment, I go numb, mind blank, I don’t know, I don’t care. I stare at a spot on the floor.


Living in an ongoing freeze state, which I’m in now, is disorienting. I want to tune out, shut down, remain helpless. But I’m also operating in constant low level panic. Small stressors - someone not texting me back - can build in scale. Resources are low, irritability peaks. Relational disputes flare.


Since the LA fires and the inauguration, it has been one thing after the next, and I have been unable to regulate my nervous system. In states like this, for me, the answer is always the same: sound & body.


I need sustained periods of NO sound. Music & podcasts off, driving or cooking in silence. Without the din of distraction. This helps me get under the layer of noise and calms me down. Being in nature is nice, but can’t always get there.


When I’m sleeping, I listen to binaural beats - meditations that play music to bring your brainwave patterns into specific frequencies, such as the delta waves, known for deep sleep and healing (I love the app Brainwaves).


I need physical movement. Exercise and walking, yes. I get weekly hands-on somatic therapy to physically release the trauma that is stored and stagnant in my body.


And my latest hook - fad warning - is this vibration machine (pretty cheap on Amazon) that shakes my body for 10 minutes. Shaking activates vagal tone, which is the calming part of the nervous system that helps regulate heart rate and promote relaxation.Shaking can help the body reprocess trauma in a way that allows the nervous system to discharge the trapped energy, rather than holding it in.


What each of us needs is unique, so these are just some ideas.What are the ways you guys are supporting yourselves?


Art by Willem den Browser

Routine is More Dangerous Than Adventure

"Routine is more dangerous than adventure. Routine is killing us, dulling people’s sense of curiosity and purpose and wonder, leaving us looking back on our lives with regret." - Bertrand Picard, Psychiatrist & Aeronaut


Whaddya think, 2023?


Yes, it's been a rough few years and we need to take it easy on ourselves. We cannot underestimate the importance of safety and security.


But, perhaps it's time to come out of our little bubbles? Has stagnation crept in?


When

How

In what ways

Does safety, security, routine hold us back?


When

How

In what ways

Should we push ourselves out of our comfort zones?


What are the things you think of as crucial for your wellbeing? What would happen if you lessened your grip on one of them?


Have you been playing small? Acting out of fear? Prioritizing comfort over all else? Feeling too routine in life?


We're all on our own paths and, of course, no judgment. You do what you do, but just some things to think about as we enter this new year ...


Cheers to us all for making it this far! 🎉


Art by Benjamin Everett


Growth, Power, Change

It's a time of massive change - not only in the world but also in our own lives.


How can you harness this energy without getting overwhelmed by it?


How can you move through fear and into motivation?


How can you make focused decisions that are in your highest good?


At Flow, we're inspired by Growth, Power and Change and we love these periods of deep shifts.


Here are some suggestions about how to funnel these big topics into accessible action.


D E E P E N I N G


We know from the organic world that things can’t grow upward unless they grow downward at the same time. Downward refers to depth, to the deepening of feelings and insights.


One way to deepen is to play with staying instead of leaving. Staying when it’s hard. Not avoiding, not escaping.


This forces you to go into yourself, into the problem, to possibly get to the bottom of its issues.


It's hard to know the right thing to do. To push yourself toward change or to plant your feet and ride it out.


Consider what is your natural tendency and try the opposite. If you're quick to run, try staying a bit longer and see what happens.



S H E D D I N G


Some shedding comes naturally and feels comfortable - the fall of autumn leaves, old habits we outgrow.


Some shedding is more extreme and is often unplanned and un-asked-for.


We re-evaluate our purpose, question our identity, examine our direction. What must be held onto? What can be let go?


What makes shedding so difficult is fear.


So, go on with your fear. What would it be like to lose ____?


Imagine the consequences of shedding - of letting go of security structures, comforting identities, achievements, forward planning.


See what remains.



E M P T Y I N G


Emptiness has an invisible power. Invite your attention there.


One of your most profound sources of wisdom resides in silence. Put away the constant distractions, get through the initial discomfort, and start to tune in.


You may hear quiet, simple words. Or no words - just an inner sense of "knowing." What you hear may not be literal at all. Try to be open to memories, figures, symbols and stay curious about their interpretations.


Make space in your day for rests and resets. These can be powerful times.



R E P E T I T I O N


Discipline might not turn you on, but it can help you grow.


Simple, daily repetition is one of the highest aims of Zen, mystical contemplation, religious practice, as well as the practice of the arts and sports.


Something in human nature yearns to perform in exactly the same way again and again, like our morning rituals or those that put the children to bed with the same story told in the same way night after night.


As you’re trying to make change in your life, use repetition as a way to focus your mind and strengthen your power by keeping commitments to yourself.



P O W E R


Some of us are born with inherited power - race, sex, money, etc - and some of us are not. For those with privilege, it is our responsibility to be aware of our advantages and use them to dismantle systems of oppression while bolstering the wellbeing of others.


But, all of us, ALL OF US - no matter what our background or current situation - are capable of developing more personal power. And this personal power will help us feel more comfortable in our skin, connect better with others, and chart lives with meaning and clear direction.


⚡️ When you're in power, you:


⚡️ Put the mask down. You let go of the familial & societal pressures of who & what you thought you needed to be in order to be happy & safe.


⚡️ Develop a quality of mind that can be directed. Using your imagination to envision what you want actually helps your subconscious get there.


⚡️ Create safety in your body, so that you can soothe yourself in stressful situations and always be accompanied by a friendly internal energy.


⚡️ Resist your usual coping mechanisms, quiet the mind, and drop in to the present. Being in silence is key to hearing your inner truth. This will help guide you into making conscious choices in your life rather than being led by unconscious drives & impulses.


⚡️ When are you in your power?



꩜ These ideas are inspired by James Hillman’s book, “Kinds of Power: A Guide to Its Intelligent Uses.”