Stress

Freeze State

The overwhelm we feel is the point, a political strategy to overload people with so much alarming information and sudden changes that our ability to process is compromised.


Being emotionally flooded can cause a stress response that triggers fight or flight - or perhaps one of the lesser known survival responses - to fawn or freeze.


My default is freeze. In an acute moment, I go numb, mind blank, I don’t know, I don’t care. I stare at a spot on the floor.


Living in an ongoing freeze state, which I’m in now, is disorienting. I want to tune out, shut down, remain helpless. But I’m also operating in constant low level panic. Small stressors - someone not texting me back - can build in scale. Resources are low, irritability peaks. Relational disputes flare.


Since the LA fires and the inauguration, it has been one thing after the next, and I have been unable to regulate my nervous system. In states like this, for me, the answer is always the same: sound & body.


I need sustained periods of NO sound. Music & podcasts off, driving or cooking in silence. Without the din of distraction. This helps me get under the layer of noise and calms me down. Being in nature is nice, but can’t always get there.


When I’m sleeping, I listen to binaural beats - meditations that play music to bring your brainwave patterns into specific frequencies, such as the delta waves, known for deep sleep and healing (I love the app Brainwaves).


I need physical movement. Exercise and walking, yes. I get weekly hands-on somatic therapy to physically release the trauma that is stored and stagnant in my body.


And my latest hook - fad warning - is this vibration machine (pretty cheap on Amazon) that shakes my body for 10 minutes. Shaking activates vagal tone, which is the calming part of the nervous system that helps regulate heart rate and promote relaxation.Shaking can help the body reprocess trauma in a way that allows the nervous system to discharge the trapped energy, rather than holding it in.


What each of us needs is unique, so these are just some ideas.What are the ways you guys are supporting yourselves?


Art by Willem den Browser

Safety, What a Feeling!

I recently received anesthesia for a small medical procedure. While in the recovery bed enjoying the post-op buzzy afterglow, I experienced a profound feeling: I Felt Safe.


Not until Biden was announced the winner of the election did I realize how deeply unsafe I have felt these last four years. The unpredictability, chaos and cruelty of Trump’s presidency had taken more of a daily toll than I had realized. And I’m a privileged white person.


In the hospital, safety came from the voices of the nurses I heard around me. They were caring, professional, and in control of the situation.


For those of us who grew up feeling a bit unsafe in our childhood environments, we compensate by trying to maintain control at all times. Imagine how healing, then, to find people who protect us, offer physical & emotional safety, and who can reliably take control of the reins.


When do you feel safe? Who helps you feel safe?


Is it possible that you are over-achieving because maybe you don’t feel safe? And that staying super-high-functioning actually helps you feel in control and safe?


Here is a practice you can do at home to start to build that inner feeling of safety and really absorb it into your subconscious.


First, let’s come up with someone or thing that helps you feel safe. This is a little different than something that helps you feel calm. A bath may be relaxing, but it doesn’t really *protect* you.


For this exercise, I want you to feel Protected. If this person - or animal - is around, you will not get fucked with. They WILL NOT let that happen. You can completely let your guard down because this person will stop at nothing to protect you. You will not get hurt.


I mentioned how Joe Biden is bringing me a deep sense of safety. I know we’re not in a perfect place politically, but he’s doing something good for me.


Blockbuster action-hero movies also bring me some kind of nostalgic, sentimental feeling of protection.


So I’ve been using this video of Biden & The Superhero Democrats (The Obamas! Stacey Abrams!) as my Protective Figures.


We talked about thinking of someone who 100% protects you and would throw down if anyone even thought of fucking with you. This could be a real person you know, a famous or fictional person, a badass animal, an all-powerful spiritual figure.


Close your eyes and bring this figure to mind. Let yourself feel their strong, protective qualities. How they guard you and protect you, how they keep danger away, and make sure you are safe.


If you’ve never experienced this in real life, just let yourself imagine it. You can let go of control. Absolutely no harm will come to you when this figure is here.


Close your eyes. What are you seeing? Hearing? What emotions are there? What are you feeling in your body? Let your senses come alive. Deep breath.


Now cross your arms in front of your chest and alternately tap each shoulder. Right-left, right-left. Tap 6 to 12 times, then stop and check in with yourself. If it feels good and the image is strengthening, you can tap some more.


Tap as long as it feels positive. Begin to tap at a slow, rhythmic pace, and then find the pace that feels best to you. While you tap, focus on the whole feeling this is bringing to you, allowing the feeling to increase. Start with short rounds, pausing in between, to make sure it’s feeling good.


If a distressing memory arises, stop tapping and take a break. Bring yourself to a calm, safe place within by taking deep breaths and imagining yourself in a place you love. Maybe put the memory aside, in a safe container, where you can come back to it another time. For now, just focus on calming and bringing yourself back to a comfortable place.


I hope you enjoy this practice 🖤 Let me know how it goes!

Growth, Power, Change

It's a time of massive change - not only in the world but also in our own lives.


How can you harness this energy without getting overwhelmed by it?


How can you move through fear and into motivation?


How can you make focused decisions that are in your highest good?


At Flow, we're inspired by Growth, Power and Change and we love these periods of deep shifts.


Here are some suggestions about how to funnel these big topics into accessible action.


D E E P E N I N G


We know from the organic world that things can’t grow upward unless they grow downward at the same time. Downward refers to depth, to the deepening of feelings and insights.


One way to deepen is to play with staying instead of leaving. Staying when it’s hard. Not avoiding, not escaping.


This forces you to go into yourself, into the problem, to possibly get to the bottom of its issues.


It's hard to know the right thing to do. To push yourself toward change or to plant your feet and ride it out.


Consider what is your natural tendency and try the opposite. If you're quick to run, try staying a bit longer and see what happens.



S H E D D I N G


Some shedding comes naturally and feels comfortable - the fall of autumn leaves, old habits we outgrow.


Some shedding is more extreme and is often unplanned and un-asked-for.


We re-evaluate our purpose, question our identity, examine our direction. What must be held onto? What can be let go?


What makes shedding so difficult is fear.


So, go on with your fear. What would it be like to lose ____?


Imagine the consequences of shedding - of letting go of security structures, comforting identities, achievements, forward planning.


See what remains.



E M P T Y I N G


Emptiness has an invisible power. Invite your attention there.


One of your most profound sources of wisdom resides in silence. Put away the constant distractions, get through the initial discomfort, and start to tune in.


You may hear quiet, simple words. Or no words - just an inner sense of "knowing." What you hear may not be literal at all. Try to be open to memories, figures, symbols and stay curious about their interpretations.


Make space in your day for rests and resets. These can be powerful times.



R E P E T I T I O N


Discipline might not turn you on, but it can help you grow.


Simple, daily repetition is one of the highest aims of Zen, mystical contemplation, religious practice, as well as the practice of the arts and sports.


Something in human nature yearns to perform in exactly the same way again and again, like our morning rituals or those that put the children to bed with the same story told in the same way night after night.


As you’re trying to make change in your life, use repetition as a way to focus your mind and strengthen your power by keeping commitments to yourself.



P O W E R


Some of us are born with inherited power - race, sex, money, etc - and some of us are not. For those with privilege, it is our responsibility to be aware of our advantages and use them to dismantle systems of oppression while bolstering the wellbeing of others.


But, all of us, ALL OF US - no matter what our background or current situation - are capable of developing more personal power. And this personal power will help us feel more comfortable in our skin, connect better with others, and chart lives with meaning and clear direction.


⚡️ When you're in power, you:


⚡️ Put the mask down. You let go of the familial & societal pressures of who & what you thought you needed to be in order to be happy & safe.


⚡️ Develop a quality of mind that can be directed. Using your imagination to envision what you want actually helps your subconscious get there.


⚡️ Create safety in your body, so that you can soothe yourself in stressful situations and always be accompanied by a friendly internal energy.


⚡️ Resist your usual coping mechanisms, quiet the mind, and drop in to the present. Being in silence is key to hearing your inner truth. This will help guide you into making conscious choices in your life rather than being led by unconscious drives & impulses.


⚡️ When are you in your power?



꩜ These ideas are inspired by James Hillman’s book, “Kinds of Power: A Guide to Its Intelligent Uses.”



The Negativity Bias in Our Brains

NEGATIVITY BIAS: To survive and pass on their genes, our ancestors needed to be especially aware of dangers, threats, and conflicts. Consequently, the brain evolved a negativity bias that looks for bad news, reacts intensely to it, and quickly stores the experience in our neural structure.

See, it's not just you with those negative voices in your head. We all have brains with a hair-trigger readiness to go negative to help us survive.

We can still be happy, but this bias creates an ongoing vulnerability to stress, anxiety, disappointment, and hurt.

The remedy is to foster simple, positive experiences — and to really take them in so they become a permanent part of us.

Watching a sunset? Dog lying at your feet? Parking meter up and you didn't get a ticket?

Open to the positive feelings and try to sense them in your body; let them fill your mind. Enjoy them. As if you were a sponge, absorb the experience as much as you can. Soak it into your bones, into your nerves, into your heart, your organs.

This is how we begin to change the wiring in our brains.

Ideas by Rick Hanson

Photo by Jim Mangan

The Social Media Maze

INSTAGRAM! You fuck with my head! With you, my values become skewed, my self-worth is whacked, and I lose my tether on what's real.

A story: I have an acquaintanceship with a mentor who is well-known in the public field and whose opinion I greatly value.

I included her on my email announcing the opening of Flow and she very quickly and kindly wrote me a warm, supportive, and personal response. I mean, wow! So nice of her! How long did that good feeling last? Under 30 seconds, for sure. Because I was already grabbing my phone to see if she also followed me on Instagram. She didn't.

She knows me, supports me, encourages me - why the hell do I care so much if she follows me on Instagram? THAT'S not the real sign of affection - the genuine interest she has continuously shown in me is what's real. And, yet ... I fixate on that lack of follow.

What would it mean if she did follow me? That she publicly validates me? That I'm cool? Is that what's important to me?

Here I go again: Falling into the external validation trap. I bet you guys can relate. How easily we hand over the reins of our own self-worth to these arbitrary key holders. And we take personally what most likely has nothing to do with us. She probably doesn't even manage her own social media.

Again & again, I have to catch these moments and actively seek out the positive feelings. She wrote me! She sees me! My eyes well, my chest smiles, I breathe deeper. For me, THIS is what's important and THIS is what's real.

​How about you? Tips on navigating the social media maze? What comes up for you?

Art by Blanca Miró Skoudy