Don't Tell Me to Breathe
I squirm when yoga teachers instruct me to breathe. Holding my breath quickly becomes uncomfortable and how the hell do you "breathe into your back?"
But I figured out a hack! For me, deep breathing actually requires a counter-intuitive motion, one that at first feels unnatural, but quickly becomes very soothing and powerful.
I'm always looking for free & available tools so that we can all have more sovereignty and self-reliance - so that we can turn to ourselves as our greatest & most effective place of healing.
The best thing about your breath is that you have access to it 24 hours a day, wherever you go. It may be your greatest untapped resource.
The Hack for Deep Breathing:
INHALING.
Instead of breathing in on the inhale and sucking air into your chest, try extending / expanding your stomach on the inhale.
So you purposefully push out your belly, make it nice & full & round when you inhale. It feels different because you're bringing in air into your mouth or nose, while at the same time actively pushing your belly out. Put your hands on your stomach and feel it fill up.
EXHALING.
On the exhale is when you pull / suck your belly in. So, up top - through mouth & nose - you're letting the air out, while down below in your stomach you're pulling your guts & ribs in.
Exaggerate these movements while you're getting the hang of it and leave your hands on your stomach to feel the pushing out on the inhale and the pulling in on the exhale.
What do you think? Do you feel your breath traveling deeper than it normally does?
Using Your Breath to Hone Your Intuition:
Looking for insight on a big decision or trying to figure out how you feel about something in your life? Put your hands on your belly, feel it swelling out & pulling in as you breathe, and close your eyes.
You can ask a specific question or more broadly, "What is in my highest good to know or see in this situation?"
Be open to subtle signs - could be a sensation in your body that you may be able to interpret, an image or memory, a soft whisper, or a sense of knowing.
If you get nothing, just feel the sense of calm & peace in your body. Your intuition communicates in alchemical ways and isn't always literal.
Happy Hunting!
Art by Louise Bonnet
Therapy Doesn't Have to be So Serious
Therapy doesn’t have to be so serious. Be certain: We take YOU very seriously, but we're not sitting on high horses judging or over-analyzing you.
In fact, humor and levity are key components of successful therapy. Yes, this is real stuff we’re addressing in here, but it’s part of being human. We’re all going through the same shit and doing the best we can.
Relationships, sex, career, family, disappointments & hurts, negative thoughts, the search for meaning, personal fulfillment — this is what we talk about.
If you've been thinking about trying therapy, but weren't sure where to begin, we are here and will make it easy for you! DM, call, text, email.
Oh, Anxiety
I’m fucking stressed. I’m starting this business on my own and it’s way harder than I anticipated. There are tidal waves of work and pressure. Endless decisions. Management and leadership of people. My ego needs to be constantly checked.
My resting heart rate hasn’t been calm for months. I feel gripped in my chest and my mind never, ever ceases. Everything I do and see is through a prism of work. I’m impatient, obsessive, I can’t let go of things. And I'm scared. Scared of putting myself out there, scared of failing, of not being liked.
I can’t unclench my racing mind. What I do know, neuro-biologically, about anxiety is that at the route anxiety is about fear.
Three facts of the human brain on anxiety:
(1) First, the fear response says, "Act now, do not wait. You are being threatened."
(2) Second, the fear response blocks out everything else in the mind. It occupies the entire screen.
(3) Third, its warning is always exaggerated. Fear cannot tell the difference between a small threat and a large one - an imaginary danger or a real one.
We can overcome all three elements of anxiety when they occur:
(1) First, when our fear tells us that immediate action is called for, do not believe it. We have time to pause and better assess what is truly going on. Our lower brain does not know the difference but after a few seconds our higher brain will step in with an accurate action plan.
"If I don't bid on this rug on ebay Right Now, I will Lose It!!" "No, actually the auction lasts another seven days, so there is zero need to do anything right now."
(2) Second, if an anxious response fills our mind so that we can think of nothing else, step away - preferably reset by going outside. After a few minutes, our mental screen won't be overwhelmed by the single panicky thought. "Is it still there? Is the rug still there? Is it???" "YESSSSS, where the fuck else would it be? Oh, look, there's a bird."
(3) Third, when we feel exaggerated fear while we're panicked, tell ourselves, "I'm doing that crazy brain thing. Chill, this is way out of proportion." "Even if I lose out on this rug, there are many others. Plus, it's a rug."
Photo by Johnny Keethon
The Social Media Maze
INSTAGRAM! You fuck with my head! With you, my values become skewed, my self-worth is whacked, and I lose my tether on what's real.
A story: I have an acquaintanceship with a mentor who is well-known in the public field and whose opinion I greatly value.
I included her on my email announcing the opening of Flow and she very quickly and kindly wrote me a warm, supportive, and personal response. I mean, wow! So nice of her! How long did that good feeling last? Under 30 seconds, for sure. Because I was already grabbing my phone to see if she also followed me on Instagram. She didn't.
She knows me, supports me, encourages me - why the hell do I care so much if she follows me on Instagram? THAT'S not the real sign of affection - the genuine interest she has continuously shown in me is what's real. And, yet ... I fixate on that lack of follow.
What would it mean if she did follow me? That she publicly validates me? That I'm cool? Is that what's important to me?
Here I go again: Falling into the external validation trap. I bet you guys can relate. How easily we hand over the reins of our own self-worth to these arbitrary key holders. And we take personally what most likely has nothing to do with us. She probably doesn't even manage her own social media.
Again & again, I have to catch these moments and actively seek out the positive feelings. She wrote me! She sees me! My eyes well, my chest smiles, I breathe deeper. For me, THIS is what's important and THIS is what's real.
How about you? Tips on navigating the social media maze? What comes up for you?
Art by Blanca Miró Skoudy
Growth, Power, Change
It's a time of massive change - not only in the world but also in our own lives.
How can you harness this energy without getting overwhelmed by it?
How can you move through fear and into motivation?
How can you make focused decisions that are in your highest good?
At Flow, we're inspired by Growth, Power and Change and we love these periods of deep shifts.
Here are some suggestions about how to funnel these big topics into accessible action.
D E E P E N I N G
We know from the organic world that things can’t grow upward unless they grow downward at the same time. Downward refers to depth, to the deepening of feelings and insights.
One way to deepen is to play with staying instead of leaving. Staying when it’s hard. Not avoiding, not escaping.
This forces you to go into yourself, into the problem, to possibly get to the bottom of its issues.
It's hard to know the right thing to do. To push yourself toward change or to plant your feet and ride it out.
Consider what is your natural tendency and try the opposite. If you're quick to run, try staying a bit longer and see what happens.
S H E D D I N G
Some shedding comes naturally and feels comfortable - the fall of autumn leaves, old habits we outgrow.
Some shedding is more extreme and is often unplanned and un-asked-for.
We re-evaluate our purpose, question our identity, examine our direction. What must be held onto? What can be let go?
What makes shedding so difficult is fear.
So, go on with your fear. What would it be like to lose ____?
Imagine the consequences of shedding - of letting go of security structures, comforting identities, achievements, forward planning.
See what remains.
E M P T Y I N G
Emptiness has an invisible power. Invite your attention there.
One of your most profound sources of wisdom resides in silence. Put away the constant distractions, get through the initial discomfort, and start to tune in.
You may hear quiet, simple words. Or no words - just an inner sense of "knowing." What you hear may not be literal at all. Try to be open to memories, figures, symbols and stay curious about their interpretations.
Make space in your day for rests and resets. These can be powerful times.
R E P E T I T I O N
Discipline might not turn you on, but it can help you grow.
Simple, daily repetition is one of the highest aims of Zen, mystical contemplation, religious practice, as well as the practice of the arts and sports.
Something in human nature yearns to perform in exactly the same way again and again, like our morning rituals or those that put the children to bed with the same story told in the same way night after night.
As you’re trying to make change in your life, use repetition as a way to focus your mind and strengthen your power by keeping commitments to yourself.
P O W E R
Some of us are born with inherited power - race, sex, money, etc - and some of us are not. For those with privilege, it is our responsibility to be aware of our advantages and use them to dismantle systems of oppression while bolstering the wellbeing of others.
But, all of us, ALL OF US - no matter what our background or current situation - are capable of developing more personal power. And this personal power will help us feel more comfortable in our skin, connect better with others, and chart lives with meaning and clear direction.
⚡️ When you're in power, you:
⚡️ Put the mask down. You let go of the familial & societal pressures of who & what you thought you needed to be in order to be happy & safe.
⚡️ Develop a quality of mind that can be directed. Using your imagination to envision what you want actually helps your subconscious get there.
⚡️ Create safety in your body, so that you can soothe yourself in stressful situations and always be accompanied by a friendly internal energy.
⚡️ Resist your usual coping mechanisms, quiet the mind, and drop in to the present. Being in silence is key to hearing your inner truth. This will help guide you into making conscious choices in your life rather than being led by unconscious drives & impulses.
⚡️ When are you in your power?
꩜ These ideas are inspired by James Hillman’s book, “Kinds of Power: A Guide to Its Intelligent Uses.”
