Stop the Seeking Cycle
Mammals are wired to look for novelty in the environment, a behavior called "seeking." Your brain is wired to seek and it gets a dopamine hit each time it does. Dopamine is the same neurotransmitter stimulated by drugs like cocaine and speed. It makes you feel focused, energized, and good at first, but after a while you just feel stressed, sketchy, and burnt out.
The complement to the seeking system is the reward system. Finding the object of seeking, such as food, sex, or shopping sprees, creates opiates - the drugs that calm you down, make you blissful, and unwilling to seek. The opiates counterbalance the seeking, and keep it from getting caught in an endless cycle. The trouble is that evolution did not favor animals that sat around all fat and happy - they were probably the first to become dinner for those others who kept seeking. This means that the system is rigged: there is much more desire to seek than to be rewarded. We would rather look than actually find.
Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum, Jerusalem
Mammals are wired to look for novelty in the environment, a behavior called "seeking." Your brain is wired to seek and it gets a dopamine hit each time it does. Dopamine is the same neurotransmitter stimulated by drugs like cocaine and speed. It makes you feel focused, energized, and good at first, but after a while you just feel stressed, sketchy, and burnt out.
The complement to the seeking system is the reward system. Finding the object of seeking, such as food, sex, or shopping sprees, creates opiates - the drugs that calm you down, make you blissful, and unwilling to seek. The opiates counterbalance the seeking, and keep it from getting caught in an endless cycle. The trouble is that evolution did not favor animals that sat around all fat and happy - they were probably the first to become dinner for those others who kept seeking. This means that the system is rigged: there is much more desire to seek than to be rewarded. We would rather look than actually find.
Our ancestors evolved in a world where almost nothing interesting ever happened (lots and lots and lots of quiet time). But now we live in an environment with an endless supply of intense novel stimuli - books, movies, television, music, internet, texting. Our brains are so full! We are stuffed beyond the limit but can't stop pressing the seek button. It keeps us trapped in an unsatisfying loop of always wanting and never being satisfied.
But there's a way out: Every so often take a break from new information. Our brains require some real down time. Down time doesn't mean watching Netflix (which is just a bunch of emotional stimulation and more novelty seeking) or hanging with friends. Down time means deeply quiet, really simple, totally open time in which you are not working, accomplishing anything, or taking in new information. Down time means staring at trees, or strolling aimlessly in a forest. Even in the city, it's not hard to just kick back and watch the sky. If this sounds boring, that's the idea. Give yourself a break from doing, thinking, working, judging, evaluating. Let yourself get bored!
Down Time for Your Brain
There are many misunderstandings about meditation. Some people think it means sitting with your legs crossed and trying not to think. But that's impossible! Your brain's job is to think -- it's not going to stop. Meditation is more about just sitting there without doing anything on purpose. It is essentially getting out of the way, and allowing the brain eventually to revert to its natural state - a kind of alert, relaxed openness. Not thinking about anything in particular, but not striving to remove thinking either.
Meditation is, in a sense, unnatural. Cavemen didn't sit around meditating. They didn't need to, because everything was much slower, spacious, and gentle. It was low impact on the brain. But with the rise of modern society (India at 500 BC), people couldn't find enough down time to return their minds to a natural state. There was too much novelty, too many new ideas, too much cool stuff to do, talk about, and see. So we can think of meditation as an unnatural way to return to a natural state.
Tomales Bay, Inverness, CA. By Della Chen
Meditation was invented around 500 BC. Before that, people had little need for it. Life had been simple enough to allow the brain the down time it needed. But with the construction of modern societies, people's ability to cope with the novelty overload they were experiencing began to break down. The Buddha said that suffering was caused by "desire" and "seeking." Seeking causes suffering. Because it never ends! As soon as you get one thing, you crave more or you want to make sure that thing won't go away. To combat this affliction of modernity, the Buddha prescribed meditation.
There are many misunderstandings about it. Some people think it means sitting with your legs crossed and trying not to think. But that's impossible! Your brain's job is to think -- it's not going to stop. Meditation is more about just sitting there without doing anything on purpose. It is essentially getting out of the way, and allowing the brain eventually to revert to its natural state - the state your brain evolved to be in most of the time. A kind of alert, relaxed openness. Not thinking about anything in particular, but not striving to remove thinking either. Not seeking, in other words.
Meditation is, in a sense, unnatural. Cavemen didn't sit around meditating. They didn't need to, because everything was much slower, spacious, and gentle. It was low impact on the brain. But with the rise of modern society (India at 500 BC), people couldn't find enough down time to return their minds to a natural state. There was too much novelty, too many new ideas, too much cool stuff to do, talk about, and see. So we can think of meditation as an unnatural way to return to a natural state.
Our brains need down time. Your quality of life will skyrocket. The majority of interesting, exciting, novel stimuli you're getting are probably composed of empty calories anyway. So go walk in the park, sit in the tub, watch the trees sway outside your window. And try meditating. There are many apps to help with this and meditation centers popping up. Or ask me for some more ideas!
PS Watching TV is not down time for your brain. It's actually a stimulant. Sorry, guys.
Suffering = Pain x Resistance
Suffering comes when we compare our reality to our ideals. When reality matches our wants and desires, we're happy and satisfied. When reality doesn't match our wants and desires, we suffer. Of course, there's no way our reality will completely match our ideals 100 percent of the time. That's why suffering is so ubiquitous.
The key to happiness is understanding that suffering is caused by resisting pain. We can't avoid pain in life, but we don't necessarily have to suffer because of that pain. Suffering is the mental anguish caused by fighting against the fact that life is sometimes painful.
"Spectres," Eva Hesse
Suffering comes when we compare our reality to our ideals. When reality matches our wants and desires, we're happy and satisfied. When reality doesn't match our wants and desires, we suffer. Of course, there's no way our reality will completely match our ideals 100 percent of the time. That's why suffering is so ubiquitous.
The key to happiness is understanding that suffering is caused by resisting pain. We can't avoid pain in life, but we don't necessarily have to suffer because of that pain. Suffering is the mental anguish caused by fighting against the fact that life is sometimes painful.
Our emotional suffering is caused by our desire for things to be other than they are. The more we resist the fact of what is happening right now, the more we suffer. If you allow pain to just be there, freely, it will eventually dissipate on its own. If you fight and resist the pain, however, the pressure will grow and grow until there is an explosion.
This is how things are.
You can either choose to accept this fact or not, but reality will remain the same either way.
- Kristin Neff, "Self Compassion"
Finding Pleasure in the Ordinary
Because of our brain's built-in negativity bias, we have to consciously make efforts to notice the positives. We vacuum up the smallest negative detail and overlook and take for granted the good things. To rebalance your brain, you have to actively seek anything that could remotely be positive and then soak it up into your system. It's nice to know that (1) we can change our brains and (2) there is endless opportunity to find good around us!
Afternoon light hitting water as it spews from sprinkler
Because of our brain's built-in negativity bias, we have to consciously make efforts to notice the positives. We vacuum up the smallest negative detail and overlook and take for granted the good things. To rebalance your brain, you have to actively seek anything that could remotely be positive and then soak it up into your system. It's nice to know that (1) we can change our brains and (2) there is endless opportunity to find good around us!
Let good facts become good experiences. Notice positive events (someone is nice to you, you complete a task), conditions (flowers are blooming, chocolate tastes good), and qualities in yourself (I care about others) - and then let them affect you and become positive feelings, body sensations, and thoughts.
Stay with the good experience 5, 10 even 30 seconds in a row. Let the experience fill your body and mind and be as intense as possible.
Sense and intend that this good experience is sinking into you, like water into a sponge, becoming a resource inside you. Try to heighten the feeling as you absorb it -- maybe you feel a little warmth, a little tingle, a little lightness. That's exactly it!
I'm talking about finding pleasure in even the smallest of ways. Every morning when I'm getting ready, I toss some tissue paper from across the room into the trash and laugh as I miss the can every time. One of these days I am going to make that basket and I am going to jump for joy!! That will be a great way to start my day, for real.
Update: October 13, 2016. It happened! I made the basket. I hooted out loud and did a little jig. That was about it. Twenty minutes later, I got invited by a friend to join her in box seats at The Hollywood Bowl that night. Are these events connected? Probably not. However, I believe that because I purposefully seek out and seize moments like this to feel joy, I am wrapped in a state of positive energy. And it's because I am imbued with that positive energy, that opportunities like the Hollywood Bowl come my way. That's what I believe.
Read more here
Buddhism on Death Row
Last week I got to do couples therapy on Death Row at San Quentin State Prison.
San Quentin State Prison
Last week I got to do couples therapy on Death Row at San Quentin State Prison.
Ocean was sentenced to death 25 years ago for a murder that occurred during a robbery at which he was not present (he was charged with "Intent to Kill"). It may sound crazy, but I've never seen Bianca more healthy and peaceful than she's been since dating Ocean for the last year. I saw the immense love between them and also felt the horrible pain and frustration of their situation.
We talked about the relationship between pleasure and pain: How to accept & manage the reality of pain, while trying to enjoy pleasure without clinging or getting attached to it. What better place for Buddhism than inside a 5 x 10 foot cage surrounded by (alleged) murderers!
They gave me permission to post this : )
