Suffering = Pain x Resistance
Suffering comes when we compare our reality to our ideals. When reality matches our wants and desires, we're happy and satisfied. When reality doesn't match our wants and desires, we suffer. Of course, there's no way our reality will completely match our ideals 100 percent of the time. That's why suffering is so ubiquitous.
The key to happiness is understanding that suffering is caused by resisting pain. We can't avoid pain in life, but we don't necessarily have to suffer because of that pain. Suffering is the mental anguish caused by fighting against the fact that life is sometimes painful.
"Spectres," Eva Hesse
Suffering comes when we compare our reality to our ideals. When reality matches our wants and desires, we're happy and satisfied. When reality doesn't match our wants and desires, we suffer. Of course, there's no way our reality will completely match our ideals 100 percent of the time. That's why suffering is so ubiquitous.
The key to happiness is understanding that suffering is caused by resisting pain. We can't avoid pain in life, but we don't necessarily have to suffer because of that pain. Suffering is the mental anguish caused by fighting against the fact that life is sometimes painful.
Our emotional suffering is caused by our desire for things to be other than they are. The more we resist the fact of what is happening right now, the more we suffer. If you allow pain to just be there, freely, it will eventually dissipate on its own. If you fight and resist the pain, however, the pressure will grow and grow until there is an explosion.
This is how things are.
You can either choose to accept this fact or not, but reality will remain the same either way.
- Kristin Neff, "Self Compassion"
The Healing Power of Self-Compassion
An easy way to calm and comfort yourself when you're feeling badly is through soothing touch. It seems a bit silly at first, but your body doesn't know that. It just responds to the physical gesture of warmth and care, just as a baby responds to being held in its mother's arms ... If you notice that you're feeling tense, upset, or self-critical, try putting your hand on your heart, or tenderly stroking your arm or face, or gently rocking your body.
Bruce Miller by Della Chen. Tomales Bay, CA
An easy way to calm and comfort yourself when you're feeling badly is through soothing touch. It seems a bit silly at first, but your body doesn't know that. It just responds to the physical gesture of warmth and care, just as a baby responds to being held in its mother's arms ... If you notice that you're feeling tense, upset, or self-critical, try putting your hand on your heart, or tenderly stroking your arm or face, or gently rocking your body.
What's important is that you make a clear gesture that conveys feelings of love, care, and tenderness. If other people are around, you can often fold your arms in a non-obvious way, gently squeezing yourself in a comforting manner. Notice how your body feels after receiving the hug or caress. Does it feel warmer, softer, calmer? - Kristin Neff
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