Jori Adler 7/30/25 Jori Adler 7/30/25

Fatherhood & Healthy Masculinity

We've read Miranda July's "All Fours," have heard how Gen X women are having the best sex of their lives, and know at least one woman in her 40s who is leaving her marriage.

So, yes, the zeitgeist is here.

But, what I don't hear talked about as much is - The Men.

For the first time in history, more men are choosing 50/50 custody and are raising their kids on their own half of the time.

And enjoying it and doing an excellent job!

It feels hard to underestimate the positive impacts this will have on the men themselves, on the kids, and the mothers who are getting more breaks than ever before.

Change is happening so rapidly these days.

Children being raised healthily and happily by their fathers half the time feels like such an exciting development. For the family system to break out of the inscribed societal parts. To see both parents play both roles. Fathers doing it their way, without being criticized or emasculated. Not only making lunches and separating the clothes for laundry, but also dipping into the pscyho-emotional realm.

Looking for wins these days and I think this is one!

Jori Adler 6/25/25 Jori Adler 6/25/25

Saying No to a Blow Job

Here is a raw & WoW excerpt from Allie Hoffman's substack about her ongoing process of sexual exploration:

"Sometime long ago, I downloaded a code that male desire + satisfaction were my responsibility.

I move thru the world with a fierce desire to be chosen, desired and wanted;

I continue to have to ‘learn’ my sexuality, and its expression: it can feel like a force that – when not thoughtfully directed – spews and sputters;

I say all I want is to tell the truth – and at key moments – I sublimate the truth for being ‘agreeable’;

I make my story of someone else’s experience, more important than my own;

And perhaps the most scary: when it comes to my pleasure and my desires and my sexuality - I (still) really struggle to know what I want and I struggle even more to summon the words to express it all."

🫥 It's frightening how relatable this is and I think Allie has done an incredible job giving it words.

➡️ Please check out The Feels, her IRL dating experience inspired and informed by a somatic lens. It is a great alternative to the apps and a new way to explore the dating world.

🫶 In my opinion, Allie is standing out in this overly saturated IG psycho-spiritual world by talking about things in a bold, fresh and unique way.

💙 She is inspiring me and I hope you catch her feels too!

@catchthefeelsirl

@alliehoffman

📷: @jensingvarsson

Jori Adler 4/16/25 Jori Adler 4/16/25

Expressing Your Needs

You know the Five Love Languages, right?

The idea is that we each give and receive love in different ways and that relationships can be improved when we know what works best for us and for our partners.

The Five Love Languages:

Acts of Service

Words of Affirmation

Physical Touch

Quality Time

Gifts

But, it’s not so simple.

One of the challenges is that you have to be in tune enough with yourself to know your own needs. And then you have to express them! Not the easiest task for anyone slightly on the codependent spectrum, where it's difficult or foreign to have ... "needs."

The other tricky part is figuring out what your loved ones actually want. Our habitual ways of showing up may not actually do much for them.

You may be leaving them special love notes and feeling all snazzy about yourself and surely your partner enjoys them, but does that realllly make them feel super-duper-loved?

Perhaps you noticed them ogling a little gift shop on your evening walk. If you go back and get them a little trinket from there, they may be extremely touched that you noticed and remembered their interest in the shop.

Part of the fun of being a good partner or friend is to know the other person well enough to help read the subtext of their desires, without them needing to say.

Because it can be hard to ask for what we need.

It’s not our job to read each other’s minds.

But in every conversation there is text and subtext.

And the most skillful communicators understand that not everything is said out loud.

Image: Hilma af Klint: "Possible Worlds"

Jori Adler 1/15/24 Jori Adler 1/15/24

To Be a More Artful & Successful Lover

"Good Questions to ask as You Work to Become a More Artful and Successful Lover:

* What qualities do you look for in a lover that you would benefit from developing more fully in yourself?

* What do you think are your biggest delusions about the way love works?

* Is there anything you can do to make yourself more lovable?

* Is there anything you can do to be more loving?

* Are you willing to deal with the fact that any intimate relationship worth pursuing will inevitably evoke the most shadowy aspects of both partners - and prod both partners to heal their oldest wounds?"

- Rob Brezsny @robbrezsny

🎥 “Playboy Love Scenes,” 1973

Jori Adler 7/17/23 Jori Adler 7/17/23