Growth, Power, Change

It's a time of massive change - not only in the world but also in our own lives.

How can you harness this energy without getting overwhelmed by it?

How can you move through fear and into motivation?

How can you make focused decisions that are in your highest good?

At Flow, we're inspired by Growth, Power and Change and we love these periods of deep shifts.

Here are some suggestions about how to funnel these big topics into accessible action.

D E E P E N I N G

We know from the organic world that things can’t grow upward unless they grow downward at the same time. Downward refers to depth, to the deepening of feelings and insights.

One way to deepen is to play with staying instead of leaving. Staying when it’s hard. Not avoiding, not escaping.

This forces you to go into yourself, into the problem, to possibly get to the bottom of its issues.

It's hard to know the right thing to do. To push yourself toward change or to plant your feet and ride it out.

Consider what is your natural tendency and try the opposite. If you're quick to run, try staying a bit longer and see what happens.

S H E D D I N G

Some shedding comes naturally and feels comfortable - the fall of autumn leaves, old habits we outgrow.

Some shedding is more extreme and is often unplanned and un-asked-for.

We re-evaluate our purpose, question our identity, examine our direction. What must be held onto? What can be let go?

What makes shedding so difficult is fear.

So, go on with your fear. What would it be like to lose ____?

Imagine the consequences of shedding - of letting go of security structures, comforting identities, achievements, forward planning.

See what remains.

E M P T Y I N G

Emptiness has an invisible power. Invite your attention there.

One of your most profound sources of wisdom resides in silence. Put away the constant distractions, get through the initial discomfort, and start to tune in.

You may hear quiet, simple words. Or no words - just an inner sense of "knowing." What you hear may not be literal at all. Try to be open to memories, figures, symbols and stay curious about their interpretations.

Make space in your day for rests and resets. These can be powerful times.

R E P E T I T I O N

Discipline might not turn you on, but it can help you grow.

Simple, daily repetition is one of the highest aims of Zen, mystical contemplation, religious practice, as well as the practice of the arts and sports.

Something in human nature yearns to perform in exactly the same way again and again, like our morning rituals or those that put the children to bed with the same story told in the same way night after night.

As you’re trying to make change in your life, use repetition as a way to focus your mind and strengthen your power by keeping commitments to yourself.

P O W E R

Some of us are born with inherited power - race, sex, money, etc - and some of us are not. For those with privilege, it is our responsibility to be aware of our advantages and use them to dismantle systems of oppression while bolstering the wellbeing of others.

But, all of us, ALL OF US - no matter what our background or current situation - are capable of developing more personal power. And this personal power will help us feel more comfortable in our skin, connect better with others, and chart lives with meaning and clear direction.

⚡️ When you're in power, you:

⚡️ Put the mask down. You let go of the familial & societal pressures of who & what you thought you needed to be in order to be happy & safe.

⚡️ Develop a quality of mind that can be directed. Using your imagination to envision what you want actually helps your subconscious get there.

⚡️ Create safety in your body, so that you can soothe yourself in stressful situations and always be accompanied by a friendly internal energy.

⚡️ Resist your usual coping mechanisms, quiet the mind, and drop in to the present. Being in silence is key to hearing your inner truth. This will help guide you into making conscious choices in your life rather than being led by unconscious drives & impulses.

⚡️ When are you in your power?

꩜ These ideas are inspired by James Hillman’s book, “Kinds of Power: A Guide to Its Intelligent Uses.”

Mind and Body Connect

THE ISSUES ARE IN THE TISSUES. "Your mind & body are dynamically interconnected. Your cells feel your thoughts and process them chemically, while your mind stays aware of how your body is doing.

When you activate any belief - positive or negative - your cells get the message immediately. The healing system that supports your body has immense intelligence of its own. What this means is that healing is already holistic, reaching everywhere, knowing as much about you as you do.

Once you really take this in, you will sense the enormous, mostly hidden, power of the mind-body connection. Our neglect and damaging habits, our bad choices & toxic emotions are anti-healing. We act as if the body is a complicated object we have little control over and often no sympathy with. To begin, what is needed is a shift in beliefs that begins with a basic but profound truth: Once you intend to heal, healing has begun."

-Deepak Chopra

Photo of Sex Educator & Cancer Warrior, Ericka Hart

The Negativity Bias in Our Brains

NEGATIVITY BIAS: To survive and pass on their genes, our ancestors needed to be especially aware of dangers, threats, and conflicts. Consequently, the brain evolved a negativity bias that looks for bad news, reacts intensely to it, and quickly stores the experience in our neural structure.

See, it's not just you with those negative voices in your head. We all have brains with a hair-trigger readiness to go negative to help us survive.

We can still be happy, but this bias creates an ongoing vulnerability to stress, anxiety, disappointment, and hurt.

The remedy is to foster simple, positive experiences — and to really take them in so they become a permanent part of us.

Watching a sunset? Dog lying at your feet? Parking meter up and you didn't get a ticket?

Open to the positive feelings and try to sense them in your body; let them fill your mind. Enjoy them. As if you were a sponge, absorb the experience as much as you can. Soak it into your bones, into your nerves, into your heart, your organs.

This is how we begin to change the wiring in our brains.

Ideas by Rick Hanson

Photo by Jim Mangan

The Social Media Maze

INSTAGRAM! You fuck with my head! With you, my values become skewed, my self-worth is whacked, and I lose my tether on what's real.

A story: I have an acquaintanceship with a mentor who is well-known in the public field and whose opinion I greatly value.

I included her on my email announcing the opening of Flow and she very quickly and kindly wrote me a warm, supportive, and personal response. I mean, wow! So nice of her! How long did that good feeling last? Under 30 seconds, for sure. Because I was already grabbing my phone to see if she also followed me on Instagram. She didn't.

She knows me, supports me, encourages me - why the hell do I care so much if she follows me on Instagram? THAT'S not the real sign of affection - the genuine interest she has continuously shown in me is what's real. And, yet ... I fixate on that lack of follow.

What would it mean if she did follow me? That she publicly validates me? That I'm cool? Is that what's important to me?

Here I go again: Falling into the external validation trap. I bet you guys can relate. How easily we hand over the reins of our own self-worth to these arbitrary key holders. And we take personally what most likely has nothing to do with us. She probably doesn't even manage her own social media.

Again & again, I have to catch these moments and actively seek out the positive feelings. She wrote me! She sees me! My eyes well, my chest smiles, I breathe deeper. For me, THIS is what's important and THIS is what's real.

​How about you? Tips on navigating the social media maze? What comes up for you?

Art by Blanca Miró Skoudy

Oh, Anxiety

I’m fucking stressed. I’m starting this business on my own and it’s way harder than I anticipated. There are tidal waves of work and pressure. Endless decisions. Management and leadership of people. My ego needs to be constantly checked.

My resting heart rate hasn’t been calm for months. I feel gripped in my chest and my mind never, ever ceases. Everything I do and see is through a prism of work. I’m impatient, obsessive, I can’t let go of things. And I'm scared. Scared of putting myself out there, scared of failing, of not being liked.

I can’t unclench my racing mind. What I do know, neuro-biologically, about anxiety is that at the route anxiety is about fear.

Three facts of the human brain on anxiety:
(1) First, the fear response says, "Act now, do not wait. You are being threatened."
(2) Second, the fear response blocks out everything else in the mind. It occupies the entire screen.
(3) Third, its warning is always exaggerated. Fear cannot tell the difference between a small threat and a large one - an imaginary danger or a real one.

We can overcome all three elements of anxiety when they occur:
(1) First, when our fear tells us that immediate action is called for, do not believe it. We have time to pause and better assess what is truly going on. Our lower brain does not know the difference but after a few seconds our higher brain will step in with an accurate action plan.

"If I don't bid on this rug on ebay Right Now, I will Lose It!!" "No, actually the auction lasts another seven days, so there is zero need to do anything right now."

(2) Second, if an anxious response fills our mind so that we can think of nothing else, step away - preferably reset by going outside. After a few minutes, our mental screen won't be overwhelmed by the single panicky thought. "Is it still there? Is the rug still there? Is it???" "YESSSSS, where the fuck else would it be? Oh, look, there's a bird."

(3) Third, when we feel exaggerated fear while we're panicked, tell ourselves, "I'm doing that crazy brain thing. Chill, this is way out of proportion." "Even if I lose out on this rug, there are many others. Plus, it's a rug."

Photo by Johnny Keethon