"Manifesting" an Available Partner
On Gina Minardi's podcast, "Spaces Between," I spoke about my attraction to unavailable men and my ongoing process of changing this pattern.
I was used to a push-pull feeling in relationship, challenge, unpredictability. Love wasn't readily given to me, I had to earn it. I never really felt comfortable, but it was exciting and stimulating.
Changing these patterns of attraction is complicated. Now that I'm in a healthy, available, loving relationship, I find ways to push it away.
But I'm realizing I don't need to work to receive love and I don't need to create drama in my life. Life serves up enough.
My 4-Steps to "manifesting" a loving, available partner:
Of course, this was in addition to years of inner work to let go of what I "thought" I needed in my life in order to be happy. I was 40 years old, divorced, dating unavailable men, and had 18 frozen eggs.
What's a girl to do?
I re-wrote my narrative by finding love, purpose, identity, and connection in other ways beyond dating. I deepened my friendships, my spiritual practices. I birthed a business, I created a beautiful home, and I became comfortable with silence & solitude.
The final piece was this manifestation process, which was inspired by my friend @astroccult.
I met my partner 2 months later. ❤️
Note: For the photo wall, you can use pictures of celebrity or fictional couples who inspire you. Some of my favorites are Michelle & Barack and Coach T & Tami from "Friday Night Lights."
Listen to the full interview on Gina Minardi's podcast, "Spaces Between."
x Jori
Your Unconscious
The unconscious is a marvelous universe of unseen energies, forces, and intelligence that lives within us. It is much larger than the conscious mind, much larger than most of us realize. Picture the conscious mind like a cork bobbing in the enormous ocean of the unconscious.
The unconscious is the secret source of much of our thought, feeling and behavior and it is constantly influencing us. These hidden parts of ourselves have strong feelings that want to be expressed.
We generally act as if there is no unconscious, as if all the complexity of life can be explained by what is seen or known.
We can do the inner work and enter that realm with intention. Or, if we try to ignore our inner world, the unconscious will find its way into our lives through pathology: our psychosomatic symptoms, compulsions, depressions and neuroses.
From his book Inner Work, Robert Johnson writes, "All the forms of interaction with the unconscious that nourished our ancestors - dream, vision, ritual, religious experience - are largely lost to us, dismissed as primitive or superstitious.
One of the tragedies of the modern world is the splitting off of the conscious mind from its unconscious roots. Our isolation from the unconscious mirrors our isolation from our souls, from our spirit. If we don’t go to the spirit, the spirit will come to us as neurosis.
This is the immediate, practical connection between psychology & spirituality in our time."
***
At Flow, we’re interested in more than your conscious mind. How about your unconscious! Let’s see what’s going on in there and how it’s affecting your moods and behaviors.
EMDR, one of our favorite therapies, relaxes your conscious brain via gentle handheld buzzers, allowing everyday thinking to quiet and a deeper, free association of memories and insights to emerge.
In Intuitive Hypnotherapy, you are part of the process as you & your therapist follow images that come to you in a dream-like exploration.
Somatic Therapy helps your body let go of the pain, disappointment, and trauma that has been stored for too long, opening up new levels of health and clarity in your life.
Meditation gives you space from your incessant brain, drops you to a more pure version of yourself, and connects you to more expansive energies (like how you feel when you’re in nature).
Are you curious about your unconscious? Want to explore it safely with a trained and experienced guide? Call today to get connected!
Art by @combophoto
Need for Control
I’ve been wrestling with that part of myself that needs to control everything.
Which leads me to thinking about ..
Why I can never leave home without My Emotional Support Water Bottle?
* Did you say Need for Control? Definitely! My S'well keeps my water ice cold so that my exact standards can always be met.
* Immediate Gratification? Sure! Honestly, I barely drink the stuff but what IF I get parched? Knowing it’s there brings me peace.
* Emotional Regulation? Why not! Just how kids calm themselves with their blankeys, the bottle is something comfortable & familiar to grasp onto in this big, scary world.
* Epigenetic Trauma? But of course! As a Jew, I’m genetically wired to assume I could lose everything at once at any moment. So I must have food and water with me AT ALL TIMES.
But, this isn’t really about the water bottle, is it?
It’s about the things we do to get our needs met.
How we try to control our partner’s affections and actions.
How we demand and expect our needs and desires to be met instantly and to our exact specifications.
How we may be more anxious and stressed on a daily basis than we realize.
Life is hard for us control freaks.
At least I have my water bottle.
📷: Robert Longo
How to Feel Better Immediately
Upstream / Downstream Thinking
Recall a time when you tried to swim against the current in a river or in an ocean. Feel how hard you had to work to move even a few inches. You’re kicking, you’re paddling. See the people at the shore - you’ve moved nowhere! How could I be working this hard and made no progress?! I’m exhausted. ☞This is an upstream feeling.☜
Now imagine letting yourself be taken by the current. How easy and effortless it is. You’re in the flow of a lazy river. You move naturally and smoothly.
Take a breath and feel this. ☞This is a downstream feeling.☜
Apply this concept to life. You know the feeling when you’re working hard to force a situation into how you want it to be, how you think it should be? You’re working harder than anyone else around you. Things are just not going the way they’re supposed to. You’re frustrated. People aren’t doing what you want them to, damnit! UPSTREAM.
The key to feeling happier and better in life is to make deliberate choices to feel *slightly* better, more downstream, in each moment. You’re not going to go from depression and hopelessness immediately to joy and gratitude. That’s unrealistic. But, can you find a way to feel a little bit of relief, a little of that downstream feeling?
The main thing you need to consider in the moment is: Am I pointed upstream or downstream? You do not need to look for an end-all solution to your problem, just something that feels *a little bit better* right now. If you let that be your consideration, you can begin moving toward the desired state you seek.
If we were to apply this way of thinking to our dating life, it might look like this:
“I’m sick of being single. I want to be in a relationship."
Remember, your job is to make the choice to choose a downstream thought (to feel *a little* better in the moment) rather than an upstream thought (to continue feeling depressed or frustrated).
UPSTREAM
Dating is so hard.
The people I like don’t like me.
I’m never going to meet anyone.
All the guys my age are looking for women younger than me.
I should have married the third guy ago. Why did I break up with him?
My clock is ticking. I’m running out of time.
I know I will be happy once I meet my soulmate.
DOWNSTREAM
Even though I don’t know how I’m going to meet my future mate, I am open to new possibilities and I’m not ready to give up.
I may not know where he/she is coming from, but I know that I will be more attractive if I am enjoying life when I meet them.
It’s fun for me to discover what makes me happy on my own. I know that figuring this out for myself is important. And it feels good!
I know I’m not the only person who feels lonely. Even people in relationships feel lonely.
Dating helps me learn about myself and about the qualities I’m looking for in a relationship. Each person I’ve spent time with has helped me shape the picture of what I want.
I like spending time with people who are in happy relationships because it helps me see what’s possible.
I’m on a date, I’m at a new restaurant and I’m enjoying this conversation. I don’t have to know right now if this is my life partner.
✺ How do you feel after reading each paragraph? The downstream thoughts don't have to be life-altering, you're just looking for a tiny bit of relief. Give it a try and let us know how it goes! ✺
Self-Esteem: Your Greatest Asset
"The ability to know that your perceptions are accurate has to happen without others' validation. Intuition is not the result of diet, rituals, or wind chimes. It's the natural consequence of having self-esteem, the greatest power you can have. With self-esteem, your life can broaden into an adventure because you can know in your gut that you can handle the unknown." Caroline Myss
Need some help building your self-esteem? Come in ~ We have ideas!
Painting made for us with ❤️ by David Cox
