• I feel like authors such as Sue Johnson (who argues that monogamy is our natural state), Stan Tatkin, Harville Hendrix come from an attachment-focus, meaning that they believe personal growth and development best occur within a relationship. You learn to love yourself by being in a relationship.

  • Whereas authors such as Esther Perel (who argues that monogamy is perhaps not our natural state), Katherine Woodward Thomas, Margaret Paul, Terry Real believe that it's important to learn to love yourself before being in a relationship and not look to a relationship to do that for you.

  • Try both approaches for yourself and see what feels right!