Law of Attraction: Upstream / Downstream Thinking
You know the feeling when you're paddling against a current in a river or the ocean? You're kicking and working so hard, you're exhausting yourself -and you're going nowhere. It's a frustrating and draining experience. Now picture the feeling of letting go and floating with the current, maybe down a lazy river. You are carefree and effortless and you always head in the right direction.
Whenever you find yourself fighting too hard to make something happen, forcing a situation, or feeling generally agitated, it's a clue that you might be in an upstream moment. If so, stop what you're doing and ask: What can I do in this moment to make myself feel a little bit better? How can I reach for a better-feeling thought?
Eliot Porter, "Ord River Marathon"
Law of Attraction Post #4
You know the feeling when you're paddling against a current in a river or the ocean? You're kicking and working so hard, you're exhausting yourself -and you're going nowhere. Or maybe you're even drifting further from where you want to be? It's a frustrating and draining experience. Now picture the feeling of letting go and floating with the current, maybe down a lazy river. You are carefree and effortless and you always head in the right direction. I find this metaphor very useful in daily life.
Whenever you find yourself fighting too hard to make something happen, forcing a situation, or feeling generally agitated, it's a clue that you might be in an upstream moment. If so, stop what you're doing and ask: What can I do in this moment to make myself feel a little bit better? How can I reach for a better-feeling thought?
You cannot expect to jump straight from discouraged to enthusiastic. So begin by aiming for a slight improvement, reaching for a thought that will bring a bit of relief. It's like that feeling of relief when you stop paddling against the stream and let yourself float naturally. It may not come immediately, but try to find something - anything - that is a better-feeling thought. Maybe you're able to find one thing that doesn't suck about this person or situation. Maybe you're too involved and you can take a step back. Maybe you get some perspective and realize this isn't such a big deal. Or try saying, "I don't need to figure this out right now." That feels better! We're highly skilled at negative thinking, so reversing this process will take some time, but it's like learning anything new.
Here's an example (from Abraham Hicks) - picture yourself as a parent feeling frustrated about your children fighting:
- My children are driving me crazy. (upstream)
- They fight constantly. (upstream)
- I can't find a way to stop them. (upstream)
- They won't listen to me. (upstream)
- I've tried everything I can think of. (upstream)
Feeling frustrated, hopeless, at your wit's end ... ARGH
Instead of trying to come up with a solution to the problem or trying to get someone else to change their behavior, your work is simply to find some relief for yourself in your own thoughts.
- Their relationship is really between them. (downstream)
- They're probably not feeling as bad about their fighting as I am. (downstream)
- It's normal for kids to fight. (downstream)
- I'm sure they don't like feeling bad any more than I do. And if they're really feeling bad, they'll figure out how to stop it. (downstream)
- I'm making it worse by adding my negative response to the mix. I'm going to let them work it out. (downstream)
- I've really been making more of this than it deserves. (downstream)
Ahhhhhh Relief. Nothing in the situation has inherently changed, but you're feeling better. And probably with your more relaxed & positive energy, the situation will naturally shift on its own. This is how you get yourself into alignment and when you're in alignment is when you attract positive change.
Chakra Resource Center
1. Check out the SYMPTOMS GLOSSARY to locate the pain / physical symptoms you're having .
2. Consult the TAKE ACTION page for ideas on how to address the issue.
3. Recommended Chakra Meditations (on Insight Timer):
Chakra Lights by Estelle Godsman
I AM Yoga Nidra - Journey through the Chakras by Amrit Yoga Institute
7 Color Rays Meditation for Balance by Arielle Hecht
Chakra Meditation by Olivia Rosewood
January: Begin Anew
GRATITUDE, MONTH BY MONTH
Every month we'll be offering a theme that explores universal, cross-cultural, and perennial wisdoms related to the cultivation of gratitude. These tools, reflections, and practices are from Angeles Arrien's book, "Living in Gratitude" and can be a resource guide, available to you at any time. Gratitude is a disposition, it’s a choice we make. More than any other resolution or goal, it will improve the quality of our mental health, self-esteem, and relationships. Please follow along this year as together we all deepen our experience of gratitude and its related qualities - thankfulness, appreciation, compassion, and generosity. 🧡 Thank you for being here.
JANUARY IS THE MONTH OF NEW RESOLVE AND NEW BEGINNINGS.
Photo by Norman Parkinson
It is named for the Roman god Janus, the two-headed god whose one head faces the past while the other faces the present & future. January offers the opportunity to make a fresh start and do things differently, to free ourselves from habitual patterns, to improve our life internally and externally.
PRACTICE ONE
START RECOGNIZING IN YOUR LIFE THE FOUR UNIVERSAL ENTRYWAYS TO GRATITUDE:
1. BLESSINGS- Blessings are those experiences we hold as “the good” in our lives. They are gifts that open doors to healing, connection, meaning, and transformation. Giving gratitude for our blessings is a way to recognize and honor them.
2. LEARNINGS - We do not grow without learning. These challenges help us stretch, reexamine, explore, take risks, and rise to new levels. It is from our learnings that we are able to understand what is meaningful for us. In hindsight, our challenges or learnings are often blessings in disguise.
3. MERCIES - Mercy alleviates distress through acts of forgiveness and kindness. Merciful acts generate thankfulness, both in those who have initiated them and those who have benefited from them. When we behave with compassion and mercy, we are more able to forgive ourselves for the harm we have caused and forgive those who have harmed us. A true gift.
4. PROTECTIONS - Every culture has practices, prayers, and rituals to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe from harm, injury, or attack. The act of giving or receiving protection is a gift of love. Which one(s) of these have you experienced this week? Can you feel grateful for the small and large examples you’re noticing?
PRACTICE TWO ENTERING THE YEAR WITH CHILDLIKE CURIOSITY Sufi tale by al-Ghazzali “Children have five qualities and if adults had these same qualities, they would attain the rank of saints.
1. They do not worry about their daily bread.
2. When they fall sick, they do not complain night and day about their misfortune.
3. Whatever food they have, they share.
4. When they fight or quarrel, they do not keep grudges in their hearts, but make up quickly.
5. The slightest threat makes them frightened and brings tears to their eyes.”
In what ways are you manifesting these five simple qualities of childlike openness?
What childlike curiosity and wonder are you currently bringing to your work, relationships, health, personal growth?
Change is Good!
After almost two years in our beloved home, we are moving to a new location.
400 of you have joined us here - undisguised and raw, hopeful and optimistic. You have infused this house with so much warmth & positivity.
But ... we got too big and could no longer do business in a residential zone, so we're all moving to a new space at the Santa Monica Airport.
It is sooo cool! We've created our own little world over here ~ part NYC loft, part 1940s movie set. Tons of space and light, trees, arts, dogs, music. You'll see ... there's something spiritual happening here.
We love meeting you, knowing you. Watching you grow and change. We love that you cry. We get the goosebumps when you share good news.
We know it's hard to put your phones down, step away from work, and show up each week. In these bizarro times, these in-person connections keep us grounded!
Thank you for keeping it real ❤️
Why We Get Sick
One of the most frequent issues I hear from clients is about their Chronic Need for Approval.
Us too! While writing about our personal struggles for the bios on our website *every single one* of us therapists chose some version of, "High expectations of myself," "Saying no," "Forgiving my shortcomings," "Disappointing people."
Why do we all need this approval so desperately? I'd say it's something about fear of abandonment, needing to be accepted by the pack so we're not excluded and cast away.
Photo by Deborah Feingold
And what effects is this having on our culture? On us individually?
Last week, I devoured Dr. Gabor Maté's book, "When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress - Disease Connection."
Maté writes beautifully on the mind - body connection in health and adds a new layer I hadn't fully recognized:
★ The role of emotional suppression in the formation and development of illness. ★
"Many people unwittingly spend their entire lives as if under the gaze of a powerful and judgmental examiner whom they must please at all costs. Many of us live, if not alone, then in emotionally inadequate relationships that do not recognize or honor our deepest needs. Isolation and stress affect many who may believe their lives are quite satisfactory...
When we have been prevented from saying no, our bodies may end up saying it for us." - Dr. Gabor Maté
After decades of work as a family practice doctor and hundreds of interviews for this book, Maté identified several personality characteristics / types common in patients struggling with Cancer, Autoimmune Disorders, Irritable Bowel Disorders, Heart Disease, MS, and more:
- Chronic need for approval
- Habitual denial, suppression, or repression of fear, sadness, anger
- Compulsive sense of duty to others
- Inability to say no
- Inability to express emotion
- Self-imposed need to conform to society's expectations
- Discomfort asking for or receiving help
In making the link between repressed emotions and the development of disease, Dr. Gabor Maté invites people to look at their relationships:
- How much of your partner's stress do you take on?
- How much of a people pleaser are you?
- How nice are you to people no matter how you feel?
- How much do you take on the problems of other people & ignore your own?
- How well do you know yourself?
He also suggests abandoning so-called "Positive Thinking."
This "Compulsive Optimism" often excludes those parts of our reality that strike us as "negative." However, it is important to include ALL of our reality. We must develop the confidence that we can trust ourselves to face the full truth, whatever that full truth may turn out to be.
What, if anything, is this illness saying about the past & present? What is not working? What have I ignored? What is my body saying no to?
Of course, personality does not by itself cause disease; one does not get cancer simply from repressing anger or ALS from being too nice. A biopsychosocial model recognizes that many processes and factors work together in the formation of disease and in the creation of health.
Do you recognize yourself in any of these descriptors? Might they be connected to your physical health?
