Flow House

Some of the wonderful therapists and healers at Flow House

Some of the wonderful therapists and healers at Flow House

I’m happy to introduce you to Flow House : A Center for Holistic Psychotherapy in Los Angeles, California. At Flow, we are a community of therapists and healers working collaboratively in a beautiful house near Venice Beach.

In my private practice, I had many clients coming in with “anxiety,” but what does that word really mean? It can mean so many things! It can manifest physically as pain, exhaustion or stress. It can be emotional – moodiness, emptiness, fearfulness, lack of joy. Or it can be more subtle, sneaking in with unrealistic self-expectations, and when you feel insecure, not good enough, or like you need to control people & events.

Even though many of us are struggling with the same kinds of issues, I realized that each individual heals in different ways and responds to very different approaches.

I saw a need for something more than traditional talk therapy: other tools, other practices - both ancient and modern. I talk on my blog about the different ways I have learned healing can take place, such as modern neuroscience, secular spiritual philosophies, and body-oriented approaches.

By breaking down the barriers between these practices and drawing from each of them, Flow House came to life. Along with my longtime passion for design, art and interiors, I had a newly-defined perspective that I wanted to share with the community!

I have taken a pause from my blog, but have been full of creative expression on our Flow social networks. Recent topics have included healing in relationship vs on your own, attachment styles, meditation techniques to awaken the body, sexual power in relationships, letting go of obsessive thoughts, our brain’s negativity bias, and ways in which we keep ourselves small in order to fit in socially.

🌱 If you want to stay connected and help our business grow, you may enjoy following us on Instagram. If you’re in the Los Angeles area and interested in coming in for a session, check out our website. We would love to meet you!

We have many more exciting offerings coming to life and cannot wait to share them with you! Love, Jori

Your Body Temple

"The Seed of the Areois" Paul Gaugin

"The Seed of the Areois" Paul Gaugin

This post is a continuation of my previous article on the energy systems in our bodies, known as chakras. 

You may recognize the areas in which you're stuck or imbalanced as you read. Or you can pay attention to the physical pain and symptoms in your body to help steer you. 

If chakras aren't your thing, you can think of each of these seven centers as necessary stages of growth and self-reflection that you go through on your path of inner illumination. 

My Chakra Resource Center will also help guide you. 

Thank you to Jill Willard for the amazing retreat I just attended and for many of these ideas. Also to Marie Manuchehri and Caroline Myss


What it covers:

- Your first years of life. Your basic needs. Safety. Security. Being seen, loved.
- Emotions pertaining to your childhood or family of origin. 
- How did you feel about the homes and neighborhoods you lived in, or the schools you attended?
- The patterning you were taught by tribal / societal / familial conditioning. 

How to strengthen it now: 

- Grounding tools to stay connected to your self, soul, nature: 

  • So much energy absorbs through the bottom of your feet. Touch your bare feet to the ground - dirt, earth, grass. 
  • Walk in silence. Hear your footsteps, feel them. 
  • Put your feet in a tub of organic sea salt water. 
  • Hold stones in your hands. Hold copper. Hold wood. 
  • Hug a tree. Press your chest against the tree, wrap your arms around it. 
  • Hug someone who's grounded.
  • Drum circles. Deep rhythmic music. 
  • Diatomaceous Earth

- Let go of old patterning. What rules are you plugged into? Rules such as "Save your money. Be cautious, be safe. By this age, I should be (fill in the blank). Things should happen how I expect them to. If I do xyz, I will be happy." What rules are you believing, operating under, that you're not even aware of? 




What it covers (it's a big one):

- Pleasure in relationships. Creativity. Joy. Sexuality. Passion. Your need to control. Comparison. Judgment. Addiction. 
- Learning the value of relationship/partnership (and of the relationship with yourself too - both are important). That it's not just me, me, me - we grow, share, create pleasure with others ~ friends, family, partners, neighbors, community. 
- Intimacy and trust. 
- Your need to control others, to control events, to control the way things happen. Can you think of one person you are vitally interested and invested in controlling? 
- Your attitudes about sexual attractiveness, about money, about the relationship between sexual attractiveness and money. 
- Your capacity to nurture and be nurtured.
- Your creativity, the part of you that longs to give birth to ideas. 

How to strengthen it now: 

- Center yourself. Close your eyes and inhale and exhale slow, deep breaths for several minutes until you notice that your mental chatter has quieted. 
- Rate your joy concerning your home, job, money, friends, family, partner, and creativity using 1 - 5 scale. In the areas that you're low, focus on a time in your life when you were happy. Use that memory as a tool. In the future, when making a choice, choose only those things that remind you of the happy time in your life. Do your best to walk away when the feeling is not there. 
- Get to know your desires. Ask yourself: what food, music, or activity is my favorite? You're trying to identify and develop your own happiness, independent of others. 
- Take responsibility for your thoughts and emotions. 
- Give more, expect less.
- Less black & white thinking.
- Pay attention to how many times you wonder, "What will they say if I do this?" How much of your life does this thinking control? 
- Release guilt. Lie on your back and place your hand on your belly. Close your eyes and repeat either out loud or in your mind, "I have always done the very best I could, in every situation of my life, with what I knew at the time." 




What it covers:

- Self-esteem. Self-worth. Fear. Power. Confidence. 
- Boundaries. 

How to strengthen it now: 

- Clearing, activating breath techniques, such as Lion's Breath.
- Slow, long extended breathing with one hand on belly, one hand on heart. 
- What are my thoughts of worth? What have I been taught, mirrored?
- Whose approval have I sought? What criticism has stuck with me? What have I decided makes me attractive? 
- What is my personal honor code, my center of integrity? What will I do or give up in order to keep another person in my life? Even if I know that person doesn't belong there. 
- Where am I invested in fear? Of being rejected, alone, criticized, abandoned, of disappointing others?
- My self-esteem has to be based on my capacity to follow my own self, not based on my capacity to please other people. 




What it covers:

- Love. Forgiveness. Kindness. Compassion. Giving and Receiving. 
- Appreciation. Gratitude. Humility. Unconditional love. Vulnerability. 
- Your relationship with how things are.
- Your relationship to feelings of envy, desire, jealousy, contentment, self-love, love of others.
- Your capacity to love without an agenda.

How to strengthen it now:

- Clear out expectations of others. Take people for who they are. 
- "I am" instead of "I want." 
- LET GO. Of expectation of your life or another's life. 
- What am I grateful for? 
- Expand the heart. Lovingkindness meditation.
- Maturity in intellectual intelligence, emotional intelligence, spiritual intelligence.
- Less words, less numbers, less counting.
- Flow, rhythm, stretch, move.
- Being in water is clearing.
- Stretch and open your shoulders, arms, hands.
- Tap on your collarbone and chest with your fingers. 
- Walking meditation.
- Connection to all living things. Understanding we are all one.
- Learn to not judge others. Find something you appreciate about them and genuinely feel it. 
- Forgive self. Forgive others. Love for self. Love for others. 




What it covers:

- Discovering your voice. Speaking your truth. Acting bravely. 
- Your capacity to control yourself. To maintain yourself while being in a group of people and not compromise yourself in order to stay within that group of people. 
- Staying strong enough to know what you need to do no matter what the outside world tells you. 

How to strengthen it now:

- Write down everything you do that you know you shouldn't do and everything that you don't do that you know you should. See where the wires are crossed. 
- Pay attention to how you excuse yourself to break your own rules (including the belief patterns you really shouldn't believe but do). 
- Express yourself honestly. 
- Jaw release
- Listen. Listen to hear the voice within. Listening wakes you up. But the voice is quiet. 
- Sing. Make sounds. OM. Chant. Music. Drumming. Vibration. Rhythm.
- The eyes are the truth. Look people in the eye. 




What it covers:

- Wisdom. Knowing. Intuition. Becoming a multisensory being. 
- Higher sight. Higher creativity. 
- Your capacity to use wisdom, to not judge. 

How to strengthen it:

- While keeping your head still, make large circles with your eyes in one direction and then the other for 15 seconds each. Look up at the ceiling and down to the floor. Look as far left as you can and as far right. 
- Pay attention to chills, visions, signs, synchronicities, a "knowing." (Write these down in journal). 
- Peace and calm are important in order to hear, notice.
- Yoga, meditation.
- Immerse in water.
- Trying to make a decision? Hold a symbol of the decision at your gut. Does your belly feel warm? cool? nothing?
- Practice becoming aware of your physical body in the moment multiple times a day. For example, feel your socks on your feet. What is my skin feeling? Are the socks tight, loose, heavy? Is the fabric cotton, synthetic?




What it covers:

- Higher guidance. Spirituality. Consciousness. Unity. 
- Your need for spiritual contact.

How to strengthen it:

- Meditation.
- Rituals. 
- Call in energies - who do you want to talk to? 
- Gratitude.
- Your job while you are on Earth is to discover your beautiful, unusual self and live your life out loud - not only to bring lasting joy into your life but to share the energy of feeling whole with the rest of the universe. 
- The thing that keeps us from moving forward in our lives is fear. From there, we create defense mechanisms, which are behaviors that distance us from being fully aware of unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and actions. What are yours? 



Also see: Chakra Resource Center

🌟 Good Energy🌟

Scotland. Photo by Justin Burke. 

Scotland. Photo by Justin Burke. 

My Buddhist influences have helped me to let go of things needing to be a certain way, thinking my life had to "check all the boxes" that we're told to pursue: college, internship, career, marriage, house, kids. I've become more comfortable not knowing what my life will be, finding happiness in the way things are. For a people-pleasing, achievement-oriented, perfectionist like me, it's been one hell of a relief. 

With that attitude of non-attachment, though, was also uncertainty in what I actually wanted for my life. Through healing my chronic neck/shoulder pain this year, I was introduced to intuitive energy work, which has sparked embers of clarity. Now, my focus is on honing my intuition to find my authentic life path - not what I've been instructed to want or what others tell me I want - and to find what I feel is the true meaning and purpose of my life. That lofty enough, for ya? 😉

Mindfulness - and a focus on mental and spiritual health in general - was undoubtedly one of the biggest wellness movements of 2015/2016. And now, not far into 2017, there's already a new magical craze to continue the trend: "Energy work." 

I read that, according to Pinterest, energy work is the number-one wellness trend of 2017, with a 51 percent jump in pins so far this year. Of course, like yoga and meditation, this "trend" isn't actually new - the resurgence of all things mystical is another example of an ancient practice now finding popularity in the modern world.

So, what is it? Roughly speaking, it's a method of healing blocked energy in the body. Physical, emotional and mental stress, accidents, injuries, suppressed feelings and trauma all prevent our body’s energy from flowing freely. Stagnant energy often results in hard-to-explain physical symptoms and pain such as digestion issues, food sensitivities, back/neck/shoulder pain, migraines, skin rashes, fatigue, hormonal imbalance. 

If the energy arrangement in your body has created health problems, you can help by learning to feel your feelings - especially those you have chosen to ignore. Energy becomes stagnant when emotions do because energy moves in the body based on how we feel. Positive energy moving into the body prevents disease and helps the body heal if it becomes ill. When healthy energy moves in, it wakes stagnant energy from its lifeless slumber. Vital energy then pours in, helping tissues and organs function better and making all forms of medicine more effective, too. 

There are many ways to heal and clear blocked energy, including yoga, reiki, qi gong, acupuncture, rolfing, therapeutic massage, dance, breathwork, meditation. The key is to focus on the seven energy centers in your body, known as chakras

The term chakra is a Sanskrit word meaning wheel or disc. Chakras are multidimensional orbs, appearing round or cone-shaped, that begin at the base of your spine and go up to the top of your head. Each chakra has its own color and unique role in maintaining vitality in your body, mind, and spirit. Descriptions of the chakras first appeared in the Vedas, ancient spiritual texts dating back to 2,000 BC. 

If you prefer to stay more literal, you can think of each of these seven centers as necessary stages of growth and self-reflection that you go through on your path of inner illumination. 

In my next post, I'll go into more detail on each system, but for now I'll share a recent example of how I'm using energy healing in my life. 

I received a phone call from a friend, Eden, who was very upset. She had just gotten off the phone with another friend of ours, Allegra, who told her that I had said some hurtful things about Eden's husband and her kids. Thank god, Eden called me directly to check it out because of course I didn't say these things, so I was able to reassure her that was the case. 

I was on vacation at the time, so I tried to "put it out of my head" and mostly did (I'm pretty good at not feeling my feelings). After a wonderful day and delicious, healthy meal, I started to feel sick in my stomach. My friend and I had eaten the same food except for one obvious culprit: "The meatballs. It's gotta be the meatballs," we assumed. Sadly, I was sick all through the night. The next day brought some relief until I ate a mild, bland meal and got sick once again. "The fish?"

When I returned home the following day and started to think about calling Allegra to hear her version of the story and express my feelings, I realized this had been the true culprit of the stomach ache, not the meatballs or fish. Even as aware of the mind-body connection as I am, it's still habit to see the body as one entity and my thoughts/feelings/relationships as another. When I spoke to Allegra I realized these two women were having issues figuring out their relationship with one other, that I got unfairly dragged into this, but that this had nothing to do with me. 

Codependency (wanting everyone to like me), taking on other people's problems and emotions, and stomach aches have all been recurrent themes for me. I now know that these issues are related to the third chakra, which governs the gut/digestive tract and has to do with emotional boundaries.

I closed my eyes and sent healing love, warm, light energy to my stomach and began to feel it softening, warming, soothing like a ball of sun inside my belly. I told myself that this has nothing to do with me. A lot of people tell me a lot of things and I always do my best to speak with love and care, to never gossip or be hurtful, to respect privacy, and to stay positive and loving. 

I was able to let it go and let them figure it out between themselves and, of course, my stomach felt immediately better. 

Check out my Chakra Resource Center for an introduction to your energy centers, the areas of your body they govern, supportive foods to eat, and beneficial practices. 

What We Resist Persists

"Katie at Haleakala Crater" by Will Adler

"Katie at Haleakala Crater" by Will Adler

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say 'My heart is broken.’
—C. S. Lewis The Problem of Pain (1940)

Even though we live in one of the richest and most developed countries in history, we’re a society in chronic discomfort. We are aching all the time - back pain, neck pain, shoulder pain, hormonal imbalance, thyroid issues, irritable bowel, migraines, skin conditions - the list goes on. There’s insomnia, anxiety, depression, stress … we go to doctors, therapists, take pills, searching for explanations and cures, but frequently can’t put our finger on any one thing. And the pain persists.

The link between diet and mental and physical health is becoming more widely understood and I believe will greatly enhance our approach to these kinds of issues. But I think there’s something else at play here as well: We are avoiding our emotions.

We are avoiding our emotions and they’re getting trapped in our bodies and are being expressed as physical pain.

Yes, your emotions are wrecking you, but not because you feel them, it’s because you don't. When you repress / cut off your emotions, they don’t just go away. They stay in your body and eventually find a way to be heard. Sometimes when you feel pain, it's your body saying, "Listen to me. I would like to have a voice here. I would like to feel the things that I'm feeling." But often we subconsciously and reflexively shut it down, “You're not convenient, I don't want to hear you, leave me alone."

"Oh, you won't listen to me? How about a migraine? You'll listen to that. You’re going to stop what you're doing, you're going to go lay down, you're going to take a pill and you're going to turn off the lights. Gotcha now."

Dr. John Sarno, TMS
We have been trained and raised to believe that emotions are one thing, and our physical body is another. For example, I’ve spent the last year treating my neck and shoulder pain by buying dozens of expensive gizmos and getting the run-around from a series of doctors and physical therapists.

For certain kinds of chronic pain like mine, Dr. John Sarno’s theory of mind/body medicine, Tension Myositis Syndrome (TMS), rings true to me. TMS suggests that physical pain is created in our body in order to create a distraction so that undesirable emotions can be avoided and kept down. People joke that TMS stands for, “Telling Me Something.” That basically sums it up: Your body is trying to tell you something. See Dr. Sarno’s books The Mindbody Prescription and Healing Back Pain for more on TMS.

In order to embrace the concept of mind/body healing in full, let's start with the conditioning we receive as children to be, for example, good, nice, strong, or selfless. In trying so hard to be strong, you may not allow yourself to feel normal responses to difficult situations. Maybe you feel scared or hurt, maybe you’ve been ignored or rejected, but it can be easier and more socially acceptable to just let it go, not make it a big deal.

Sometimes even without any conscious awareness, you push down feelings of anger or resentment because you know those feelings aren’t “nice.” They aren’t acceptable. The moment you even begin to feel them, you become stressed, and your mind is in motion telling you all the reasons that thinking these dark thoughts will get you nowhere. So, you push them away and shove them down.

Repressed Emotions
Here’s what happens: These unfelt emotions build up and when the feelings reach critical mass, they finally refuse to be held down anymore. They start to rise to your consciousness, and threaten to inform you exactly how angry you are, or dissatisfied or sad.

Your brain says, “No! That’s not acceptable to feel those dark things. It does not assist in your survival!”

Remember, in some ways our brains are still primitive, operating in the same fight or flight techniques since the dawn of man. If the brain does not find something adaptive or imperative, it will do its best to protect us from it. Although feelings are actually safe to feel when given a voice in an appropriate manner, our minds do not understand this as of yet. When these feelings of anger, sadness, shame, embarrassment, regret, and fear threaten to rise into our conscious thoughts, the brain’s reaction is the same as if it is telling you to run from a woolly mammoth. You see, it thinks it is protecting you.

As the brain has this reaction in your subconscious, some place in your body seizes up, knots up, cramps up. Just like the headache you get when you’re stressed, the stomach ache when you’re about to give a speech, or the hives that break out when you’re on the spot, your body is responding to frustration.

The pain appears somewhere in your body, and Voila! The brain has done its job: It’s distracted you from the thoughts or feelings you didn’t want to have. They are naturally pushed back down as you have more important things to attend to, like altering the way you sit / sleep, researching alternative products / treatments, and plotting how to avoid future pain.

The process of recognizing and listening to our emotions gives a steam valve to this entire system, allowing feelings to safely evaporate into the air. Even though you might worry at first that feeling potentially dark things about people and events in your life will hurt “worse,” it is strikingly the opposite. Alongside pain elimination, people often feel unburdened, lighter, and more at peace.

Journal Exercise
Repressed emotions are only powerful in creating pain if they don't have a voice. Nobody needs to hear this voice but you. You may share if you choose, but you don't have to share this with anyone in order to heal.

The easiest and most effective way to give these feelings a voice is through journaling. Here is an exercise written by Dr. Sarno, which involves creating three bulleted lists. The first list is entitled childhood, the second is daily life, and the third is personality.

Childhood refers to any memory, event, or reality that happened to you growing up, until you consider yourself no longer a child. It could be big things (trauma, divorce, abuse, violence). But it also could, and should, be the time in third grade when Susie left you out on the playground, or when you had stage fright and ran off the stage at the school play. It is an exhaustive list of everything that you can remember in childhood that makes you take notice. It’s everything that sticks with you, has effected the person you have become, or still fuels your desire to be a certain way.

Daily life is the same kind of bulleted list. Everything that affects your day to day: your family, your partner, your business, your financial situation, or any responsibilities that you take on. Anything and everything that happens in your daily life that you think “Oh God, that's hard.” Even beautiful, happy things are hard. Having a child is hard. Anything that effects your life in a way that you need to work hard to deal with, tolerate, or accept should be put on the daily life list.

The third list is personality. We all have a personality. Most of the time it's shaped by the childhood stuff. Your compulsions to be a certain way, to look a certain way, to present a certain way, to achieve certain things. Think about the beliefs in you that direct you to behave certain ways in order to perceive yourself a certain way. Those things go into the personality list.

You are going to create time for yourself every day. Right now, you might think, “I don't have any time.” Yes, you do. How much time do you spend on Instagram and Facebook a day? You have 20 minutes a day.

Then you are going to pick an item from one of these three lists. Look at your lists and say, "What pops out at me today, during this session?" You're going to write it at the top of the page, set a timer for 20 minutes, and just journal. Free write on the topic.

It's going to go in ways that you might not have expected but just go with it.

One of the things that's most important in this kind of journaling is that this is just for you. This is not journaling in some beautiful leather bound book that's going to tell the story of your life that you're going to read again one day. This shit is not pretty. Not every single thing you need to come up with is going to be dark. Some of it is just going to be the blah, blah, blah, which may end up leading you to the dark stuff. Also, this kind of journaling needs to be disposed of – it’s not meant to be kept.  

This is not some pretty thing that you're going to keep. You are going to either write it into a document that you will erase before you even close your computer, or you will write it in your notebook and you will shred it into a public garbage can. This journaling is going to be something that you don't need to read again, because once you bring it to the surface and you take a moment to reflect on it, you've done the work. You've started to inform your conscious brain that these unconscious feelings are here, they are not going to kill you, and it's okay. 

Your language should be emotional. It’s the language of your adult brain and the emotions of a five-year-old. It is, "Oh my God. This is not the way I want it to be. Everything is ruined. This is a complete disaster." It is not, "Oh, well. Today with the baby wasn't really so great, but that's okay. I'm going to be fine. It's all right if I feel alone. It's all right if I feel alienated, if I feel tired."

Once your brain is alerted that you don't need to hold down these ugly feelings anymore, that you do not need the physical pain, it will melt away. But you must be open to believing that an emotional exercise can actually heal you physically. And you must do the work. Little by little it will heal you.


Nicole Sachs, The Cure for Chronic Pain
Thank you, Dr. Sarno
All the Rage, upcoming documentary about Dr. Sarno featuring Howard Stern, Larry David, Bernie Sanders (trailer here)

How to Stoke Sexual Desire?

Melanie Lynskey & Mark Duplass in HBO's "Togetherness"

Melanie Lynskey & Mark Duplass in HBO's "Togetherness"

A spiritual approach to dating takes a gender-blind stance, addressing every person in the same way, and admonishes masculine / feminine roles as sexist games and manipulations. But men and women are different and gender roles show up in same sex relationships as well. While spiritual philosophies are foundational to my life, I am inclined to approach dating from a more gendered perspective. As always, feel free to disagree with some or all of what I write.

It seems to me that we contradict ourselves when it comes to dating. We say we want one thing, but actually are attracted to something else. We pursue people we know are unhealthy for us, while dismissing compatible, available, attractive potentials.

Ask a woman about her sexual fantasies and she’s likely to tell you they involve being desired and dominated. So she wants to mate with the stable, reliable, emotionally-attuned man and get fucked by the Bad Boy (a similar dynamic shows up with the Madonna/Whore complex in men). So what’s the psychology under this?

The reason why women like bad boys, says Esther Perel, is because the bad boy knows how to take care of himself perfectly well, which frees her from having to feel responsible for him, from having to worry about him. Since he can let go and be in his pleasure, it frees her up to do the same. The primary erotic block for women is that they are used to sex being a duty and that their role is to care for others. They struggle sexually in taking for themselves.

The patriarchal system has ingrained into women thousands of years of sexual duty and obligation. Men have sexual needs that must be met and they are paramount. He bought you dinner, you led him on, you owe him this. Break the entitlement of the stiff penis: no one will die if an erection goes untended!

Women are most free when not having to think of anyone else. Since she knows the bad boy will take care of himself, she’s able to focus on herself and experience healthy sexual narcissism. If the man needs to be mothered, she won’t be able to let go into her own pleasure. Once it becomes a duty, she’s no longer in the realm of desire.

Men also need to feel that their partners are strong enough to withstand their desire. If he feels she’s too fragile, he’s unable to submit fully to his sexual appetite. The aggression in sex is too dangerous to bring to someone he loves.

Many men grew up with mothers whose emotional needs engulfed and burdened them. So any whiff of a woman being needy sparks an anti-sexual, dutiful, caretaking response. Who wants to have sex with their mother? This dynamic with mother also leads men to become love avoidants. Why submit to another relationship in which you feel incredibly burdened and responsible for another person’s happiness? Much simpler to screw a woman with whom there’s no commitment.


1. Esther Perel’s Sexual Conversations: Try exploring these questions yourself and with your partner. Have fun, laugh, make a night of it, don’t make it so serious.

2. Self-Pleasing: Think broader than masturbation. What feels good to you? What do you enjoy just for sheer pleasure? Like the ocean? Try spending a few extra moments letting the shower water drip down your neck, your back. Do you twirl your hair? Stroke your arm? How would it be for your partner to lightly stroke your arm or face in the morning time between sleep and wake? Would you enjoy that?

3. Beyond All-or-Nothing Thinking: If your partner does stroke you like that, can you just let yourself enjoy it? Don’t assume that he’s angling for more or trying to lure you into sex. Trust that he wants nothing more than this. Or see it as an invitation, not a demand. More may happen, it may not.
Sex is not just in the genitals, it’s an entire universe. The word sex – it’s closeness, it’s connection, it’s prioritizing, it’s remembering me, it’s making me feel that I matter, it’s all of that under the word “sex.” Guys, if you're feeling pressured for sex and are not into it, your partner may just want to connect. 

4. The New Masculinity: For men, sexuality may be the only place where they can experience forbidden emotions – tenderness, vulnerability, fragility, access to inner child, being taken care of. Read my previous post on men’s relationships and seek out and deepen your male friendships. Your wife is not a Wellbeing Dialysis machine. She’s not your Xanax, mother, and psychiatrist. You need to find other ways to get your own sense of wellbeing.

(Much of this is from a training I did with Esther Perel & Terry Real, so thank you to them for their colorful language 😊)

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel (Streaming free on Audible now)
Terry Real