Stuck in The Past?

Do you get stuck in the past? Want to let go of obsessive thoughts?

First, what are you telling yourself about the situation? What are you believing about yourself or others?

What's the hurt or pain under the thinking? Can you allow it to surface? Try doing this alone, maybe in your room or with a journal.

Learn to self-soothe: Put your hand on your heart - this releases oxytocin, the "feel good" hormone, which is activated when we cuddle or hug a loved one. You'll feel an immediate relaxing of your body and nervous system.

Comfort yourself, silently or in a whisper: "I'm here with you." This may be foreign to you, but try. "This is hard. I see you. You're not alone."

Be easy with yourself. You're trying something new. This is how you learn to be with difficult emotions without checking out or shutting down. You'll see that when you do this, the sadness or pain comes up and then it passes. You now have tools to use in the moment so the emotions won't overwhelm you.

We see you and you're not alone!

Do You Have to Have Labels in Your Relationship?

"She loves me, she loves me not," American children sing as they pluck petals off flowers.

How many more shades of gray are allowed in France, where children recite, "She loves me a little, a lot, passionately, madly, or not at all."

"We Americans do not like ambiguity. We need to know where things are going; we do not like not knowing. Because rather than setting things in motion, we prefer to set things in stone with clear objectives, goals, and outcomes.

Is he my soulmate or my future husband? Does he love me or does he love me not?

We gag the life out of experiences that might not lead to marriage but would still ripen one’s sensibilities.

How about you? Are you willing to contemplate or accept an experience that doesn’t necessarily go anywhere in particular, but that is still an essential part of love, sex, and being human?"

- Debra Ollivier

Don't Tell Me to Breathe

I squirm when yoga teachers instruct me to breathe. Holding my breath quickly becomes uncomfortable and how the hell do you "breathe into your back?" ⁣

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But I figured out a hack! For me, deep breathing actually requires a counter-intuitive motion, one that at first feels unnatural, but quickly becomes very soothing and powerful. ⁣

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I'm always looking for free & available tools so that we can all have more sovereignty and self-reliance - so that we can turn to ourselves as our greatest & most effective place of healing. ⁣

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The best thing about your breath is that you have access to it 24 hours a day, wherever you go. It may be your greatest untapped resource. ⁣

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The Hack for Deep Breathing:⁣

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INHALING. ⁣

Instead of breathing in on the inhale and sucking air into your chest, try extending / expanding your stomach on the inhale. ⁣

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So you purposefully push out your belly, make it nice & full & round when you inhale. It feels different because you're bringing in air into your mouth or nose, while at the same time actively pushing your belly out. Put your hands on your stomach and feel it fill up. ⁣

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EXHALING. ⁣

On the exhale is when you pull / suck your belly in. So, up top - through mouth & nose - you're letting the air out, while down below in your stomach you're pulling your guts & ribs in. ⁣

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Exaggerate these movements while you're getting the hang of it and leave your hands on your stomach to feel the pushing out on the inhale and the pulling in on the exhale. ⁣

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What do you think? Do you feel your breath traveling deeper than it normally does?⁣

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Using Your Breath to Hone Your Intuition:⁣

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Looking for insight on a big decision or trying to figure out how you feel about something in your life? Put your hands on your belly, feel it swelling out & pulling in as you breathe, and close your eyes. ⁣

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You can ask a specific question or more broadly, "What is in my highest good to know or see in this situation?" ⁣

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Be open to subtle signs - could be a sensation in your body that you may be able to interpret, an image or memory, a soft whisper, or a sense of knowing. ⁣

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If you get nothing, just feel the sense of calm & peace in your body. Your intuition communicates in alchemical ways and isn't always literal.

Happy Hunting!

Art by Louise Bonnet

Therapy Doesn't Have to be So Serious

Therapy doesn’t have to be so serious. Be certain: We take YOU very seriously, but we're not sitting on high horses judging or over-analyzing you.

In fact, humor and levity are key components of successful therapy. Yes, this is real stuff we’re addressing in here, but it’s part of being human. We’re all going through the same shit and doing the best we can.

Relationships, sex, career, family, disappointments & hurts, negative thoughts, the search for meaning, personal fulfillment — this is what we talk about.

If you've been thinking about trying therapy, but weren't sure where to begin, we are here and will make it easy for you! DM, call, text, email.

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Freeze State

The overwhelm we feel is the point, a political strategy to overload people with so much alarming information and sudden changes that our ability to process is compromised.

Being emotionally flooded can cause a stress response that triggers fight or flight - or perhaps one of the lesser known survival responses - to fawn or freeze.

My default is freeze. In an acute moment, I go numb, mind blank, I don’t know, I don’t care. I stare at a spot on the floor.

Living in an ongoing freeze state, which I’m in now, is disorienting. I want to tune out, shut down, remain helpless. But I’m also operating in constant low level panic. Small stressors - someone not texting me back - can build in scale. Resources are low, irritability peaks. Relational disputes flare.

Since the LA fires and the inauguration, it has been one thing after the next, and I have been unable to regulate my nervous system. In states like this, for me, the answer is always the same: sound & body.

I need sustained periods of NO sound. Music & podcasts off, driving or cooking in silence. Without the din of distraction. This helps me get under the layer of noise and calms me down. Being in nature is nice, but can’t always get there.

When I’m sleeping, I listen to binaural beats - meditations that play music to bring your brainwave patterns into specific frequencies, such as the delta waves, known for deep sleep and healing (I love the app Brainwaves).

I need physical movement. Exercise and walking, yes. I get weekly hands-on somatic therapy to physically release the trauma that is stored and stagnant in my body.

And my latest hook - fad warning - is this vibration machine (pretty cheap on Amazon) that shakes my body for 10 minutes. Shaking activates vagal tone, which is the calming part of the nervous system that helps regulate heart rate and promote relaxation.Shaking can help the body reprocess trauma in a way that allows the nervous system to discharge the trapped energy, rather than holding it in.

What each of us needs is unique, so these are just some ideas.What are the ways you guys are supporting yourselves?

Art by Willem den Browser