Saying No to a Blow Job

Here is a raw & WoW excerpt from Allie Hoffman's substack about her ongoing process of sexual exploration:

"Sometime long ago, I downloaded a code that male desire + satisfaction were my responsibility.

I move thru the world with a fierce desire to be chosen, desired and wanted;

I continue to have to ‘learn’ my sexuality, and its expression: it can feel like a force that – when not thoughtfully directed – spews and sputters;

I say all I want is to tell the truth – and at key moments – I sublimate the truth for being ‘agreeable’;

I make my story of someone else’s experience, more important than my own;

And perhaps the most scary: when it comes to my pleasure and my desires and my sexuality - I (still) really struggle to know what I want and I struggle even more to summon the words to express it all."

*

🫥 It's frightening how relatable this is and I think Allie has done an incredible job giving it words.

➡️ Please check out The Feels, her IRL dating experience inspired and informed by a somatic lens. It is a great alternative to the apps and a new way to explore the dating world.

🫶 In my opinion, Allie is standing out in this overly saturated IG psycho-spiritual world by talking about things in a bold, fresh and unique way.

💙 She is inspiring me and I hope you catch her feels too!

@catchthefeelsirl

@alliehoffman

📷: @jensingvarsson

Growth, Power, Change

It's a time of massive change - not only in the world but also in our own lives.

How can you harness this energy without getting overwhelmed by it?

How can you move through fear and into motivation?

How can you make focused decisions that are in your highest good?

At Flow, we're inspired by Growth, Power and Change and we love these periods of deep shifts.

Here are some suggestions about how to funnel these big topics into accessible action.

D E E P E N I N G

We know from the organic world that things can’t grow upward unless they grow downward at the same time. Downward refers to depth, to the deepening of feelings and insights.

One way to deepen is to play with staying instead of leaving. Staying when it’s hard. Not avoiding, not escaping.

This forces you to go into yourself, into the problem, to possibly get to the bottom of its issues.

It's hard to know the right thing to do. To push yourself toward change or to plant your feet and ride it out.

Consider what is your natural tendency and try the opposite. If you're quick to run, try staying a bit longer and see what happens.

S H E D D I N G

Some shedding comes naturally and feels comfortable - the fall of autumn leaves, old habits we outgrow.

Some shedding is more extreme and is often unplanned and un-asked-for.

We re-evaluate our purpose, question our identity, examine our direction. What must be held onto? What can be let go?

What makes shedding so difficult is fear.

So, go on with your fear. What would it be like to lose ____?

Imagine the consequences of shedding - of letting go of security structures, comforting identities, achievements, forward planning.

See what remains.

E M P T Y I N G

Emptiness has an invisible power. Invite your attention there.

One of your most profound sources of wisdom resides in silence. Put away the constant distractions, get through the initial discomfort, and start to tune in.

You may hear quiet, simple words. Or no words - just an inner sense of "knowing." What you hear may not be literal at all. Try to be open to memories, figures, symbols and stay curious about their interpretations.

Make space in your day for rests and resets. These can be powerful times.

R E P E T I T I O N

Discipline might not turn you on, but it can help you grow.

Simple, daily repetition is one of the highest aims of Zen, mystical contemplation, religious practice, as well as the practice of the arts and sports.

Something in human nature yearns to perform in exactly the same way again and again, like our morning rituals or those that put the children to bed with the same story told in the same way night after night.

As you’re trying to make change in your life, use repetition as a way to focus your mind and strengthen your power by keeping commitments to yourself.

P O W E R

Some of us are born with inherited power - race, sex, money, etc - and some of us are not. For those with privilege, it is our responsibility to be aware of our advantages and use them to dismantle systems of oppression while bolstering the wellbeing of others.

But, all of us, ALL OF US - no matter what our background or current situation - are capable of developing more personal power. And this personal power will help us feel more comfortable in our skin, connect better with others, and chart lives with meaning and clear direction.

⚡️ When you're in power, you:

⚡️ Put the mask down. You let go of the familial & societal pressures of who & what you thought you needed to be in order to be happy & safe.

⚡️ Develop a quality of mind that can be directed. Using your imagination to envision what you want actually helps your subconscious get there.

⚡️ Create safety in your body, so that you can soothe yourself in stressful situations and always be accompanied by a friendly internal energy.

⚡️ Resist your usual coping mechanisms, quiet the mind, and drop in to the present. Being in silence is key to hearing your inner truth. This will help guide you into making conscious choices in your life rather than being led by unconscious drives & impulses.

⚡️ When are you in your power?

꩜ These ideas are inspired by James Hillman’s book, “Kinds of Power: A Guide to Its Intelligent Uses.”

Mind and Body Connect

THE ISSUES ARE IN THE TISSUES. "Your mind & body are dynamically interconnected. Your cells feel your thoughts and process them chemically, while your mind stays aware of how your body is doing.

When you activate any belief - positive or negative - your cells get the message immediately. The healing system that supports your body has immense intelligence of its own. What this means is that healing is already holistic, reaching everywhere, knowing as much about you as you do.

Once you really take this in, you will sense the enormous, mostly hidden, power of the mind-body connection. Our neglect and damaging habits, our bad choices & toxic emotions are anti-healing. We act as if the body is a complicated object we have little control over and often no sympathy with. To begin, what is needed is a shift in beliefs that begins with a basic but profound truth: Once you intend to heal, healing has begun."

-Deepak Chopra

Photo of Sex Educator & Cancer Warrior, Ericka Hart

Flow House

I’m happy to introduce you to Flow House Therapy in Los Angeles, California. At Flow, we are a community of therapists and healers working collaboratively in a beautiful house near Venice Beach.

​In my private practice, I had many clients coming in with “anxiety,” but what does that word really mean? It can mean so many things! It can manifest physically as pain, exhaustion or stress. It can be emotional – moodiness, emptiness, fearfulness, lack of joy. Or it can be more subtle, sneaking in with unrealistic self-expectations, and when you feel insecure, not good enough, or like you need to control people & events.

Even though many of us are struggling with the same kinds of issues, I realized that each individual heals in different ways and responds to very different approaches.

I saw a need for something more than traditional talk therapy: other tools, other practices - both ancient and modern. I talk on my blog about the different ways I have learned healing can take place, such as modern neuroscience, secular spiritual philosophies, and body-oriented approaches.

By breaking down the barriers between these practices and drawing from each of them, Flow House came to life. Along with my longtime passion for design, art and interiors, I had a newly-defined perspective that I wanted to share with the community!

I have taken a pause from my blog, but have been full of creative expression on our Flow social networks. Recent topics have included healing in relationship vs on your own, attachment styles, meditation techniques to awaken the body, sexual power in relationships, letting go of obsessive thoughts, our brain’s negativity bias, and ways in which we keep ourselves small in order to fit in socially.

🌱 If you want to stay connected and help our business grow, you may enjoy following us on Instagram. All my future writing will be on the Flow House Blog. If you’re in the Los Angeles area and interested in coming in for a session, check out our website. We would love to meet you!

We have many more exciting offerings coming to life and cannot wait to share them with you! Love, Jori

Your Body Temple

"The Seed of the Areois" Paul Gaugin

This post is a continuation of my previous article on the energy systems in our bodies, known as chakras. 

You may recognize the areas in which you're stuck or imbalanced as you read. Or you can pay attention to the physical pain and symptoms in your body to help steer you. 

If chakras aren't your thing, you can think of each of these seven centers as necessary stages of growth and self-reflection that you go through on your path of inner illumination. 

My Chakra Resource Center will also help guide you. 

Thank you to Jill Willard for the amazing retreat I just attended and for many of these ideas. Also to Marie Manuchehri and Caroline Myss. 

1ST CHAKRA  🍎  RED  🍎  BASE OF YOUR SPINE THROUGH LEGS AND FEET

What it covers:

- Your first years of life. Your basic needs. Safety. Security. Being seen, loved.
- Emotions pertaining to your childhood or family of origin. 
- How did you feel about the homes and neighborhoods you lived in, or the schools you attended?
- The patterning you were taught by tribal / societal / familial conditioning. 

How to strengthen it now: 

- Grounding tools to stay connected to your self, soul, nature: 

• So much energy absorbs through the bottom of your feet. Touch your bare feet to the ground - dirt, earth, grass.

• Walk in silence. Hear your footsteps, feel them.

• Put your feet in a tub of organic sea salt water.

• Hold stones in your hands. Hold copper. Hold wood.

• Hug a tree. Press your chest against the tree, wrap your arms around it.

• Hug someone who's grounded.

• Drum circles. Deep rhythmic music.

• Diatomaceous Earth

- Let go of old patterning. What rules are you plugged into? Rules such as "Save your money. Be cautious, be safe. By this age, I should be (fill in the blank). Things should happen how I expect them to. If I do xyz, I will be happy." What rules are you believing, operating under, that you're not even aware of? 

MEDITATION: I AM SECURE. I AM SAFE. I AM GROUNDED. I AM ROOTED. 

2ND CHAKRA  🔥  ORANGE  🔥  PELVIC FLOOR - PUBIC BONE AREA - LOWER ABDOMEN

What it covers (it's a big one):

- Pleasure in relationships. Creativity. Joy. Sexuality. Passion. Your need to control. Comparison. Judgment. Addiction. 
- Learning the value of relationship/partnership (and of the relationship with yourself too - both are important). That it's not just me, me, me - we grow, share, create pleasure with others ~ friends, family, partners, neighbors, community. 
- Intimacy and trust. 
- Your need to control others, to control events, to control the way things happen. Can you think of one person you are vitally interested and invested in controlling? 
- Your attitudes about sexual attractiveness, about money, about the relationship between sexual attractiveness and money. 
- Your capacity to nurture and be nurtured.
- Your creativity, the part of you that longs to give birth to ideas. 

How to strengthen it now: 

- Center yourself. Close your eyes and inhale and exhale slow, deep breaths for several minutes until you notice that your mental chatter has quieted. 
- Rate your joy concerning your home, job, money, friends, family, partner, and creativity using 1 - 5 scale. In the areas that you're low, focus on a time in your life when you were happy. Use that memory as a tool. In the future, when making a choice, choose only those things that remind you of the happy time in your life. Do your best to walk away when the feeling is not there. 
- Get to know your desires. Ask yourself: what food, music, or activity is my favorite? You're trying to identify and develop your own happiness, independent of others. 
- Take responsibility for your thoughts and emotions. 
- Give more, expect less.
- Less black & white thinking.
- Pay attention to how many times you wonder, "What will they say if I do this?" How much of your life does this thinking control? 
- Release guilt. Lie on your back and place your hand on your belly. Close your eyes and repeat either out loud or in your mind, "I have always done the very best I could, in every situation of my life, with what I knew at the time." 

MEDITATION: I AM HEALTHY. I AM CREATIVE. I AM ABUNDANT. I AM CALM. 

3RD CHAKRA  ☀️  YELLOW  ☀️  STOMACH - GUT

What it covers:

- Self-esteem. Self-worth. Fear. Power. Confidence. 
- Boundaries. 

How to strengthen it now: 

- Clearing, activating breath techniques, such as Lion's Breath.
- Slow, long extended breathing with one hand on belly, one hand on heart. 
- What are my thoughts of worth? What have I been taught, mirrored?
- Whose approval have I sought? What criticism has stuck with me? What have I decided makes me attractive? 
- What is my personal honor code, my center of integrity? What will I do or give up in order to keep another person in my life? Even if I know that person doesn't belong there. 
- Where am I invested in fear? Of being rejected, alone, criticized, abandoned, of disappointing others?
- My self-esteem has to be based on my capacity to follow my own self, not based on my capacity to please other people. 

MEDITATION: I AM POWER. I AM CONFIDENT. I AM STRONG. I AM WORTHY. 

4TH CHAKRA  🌿  GREEN  🌿  HEART

What it covers:

- Love. Forgiveness. Kindness. Compassion. Giving and Receiving. 
- Appreciation. Gratitude. Humility. Unconditional love. Vulnerability. 
- Your relationship with how things are.
- Your relationship to feelings of envy, desire, jealousy, contentment, self-love, love of others.
- Your capacity to love without an agenda.

How to strengthen it now:

- Clear out expectations of others. Take people for who they are. 
- "I am" instead of "I want." 
- LET GO. Of expectation of your life or another's life. 
- What am I grateful for? 
- Expand the heart. Lovingkindness meditation.
- Maturity in intellectual intelligence, emotional intelligence, spiritual intelligence.
- Less words, less numbers, less counting.
- Flow, rhythm, stretch, move.
- Being in water is clearing.
- Stretch and open your shoulders, arms, hands.
- Tap on your collarbone and chest with your fingers. 
- Walking meditation.
- Connection to all living things. Understanding we are all one.
- Learn to not judge others. Find something you appreciate about them and genuinely feel it. 
- Forgive self. Forgive others. Love for self. Love for others. 

MEDITATION: I AM LOVE. I AM JOY. I AM OPEN. I AM PEACEFUL. 

5TH CHAKRA  🌊  BLUE  🌊  THROAT

What it covers:

- Discovering your voice. Speaking your truth. Acting bravely. 
- Your capacity to control yourself. To maintain yourself while being in a group of people and not compromise yourself in order to stay within that group of people. 
- Staying strong enough to know what you need to do no matter what the outside world tells you. 

How to strengthen it now:

- Write down everything you do that you know you shouldn't do and everything that you don't do that you know you should. See where the wires are crossed. 
- Pay attention to how you excuse yourself to break your own rules (including the belief patterns you really shouldn't believe but do). 
- Express yourself honestly. 
- Jaw release. 
- Listen. Listen to hear the voice within. Listening wakes you up. But the voice is quiet. 
- Sing. Make sounds. OM. Chant. Music. Drumming. Vibration. Rhythm.
- The eyes are the truth. Look people in the eye. 

MEDITATION: I AM FREE. I AM BALANCED. I AM TRUTHFUL. I AM LIBERATED.

6TH CHAKRA  🔮  INDIGO - PURPLE  🔮  THIRD EYE

What it covers:

- Wisdom. Knowing. Intuition. Becoming a multisensory being. 
- Higher sight. Higher creativity. 
- Your capacity to use wisdom, to not judge. 

How to strengthen it:

- While keeping your head still, make large circles with your eyes in one direction and then the other for 15 seconds each. Look up at the ceiling and down to the floor. Look as far left as you can and as far right. 
- Pay attention to chills, visions, signs, synchronicities, a "knowing." (Write these down in journal). 
- Peace and calm are important in order to hear, notice.
- Yoga, meditation.
- Immerse in water.
- Trying to make a decision? Hold a symbol of the decision at your gut. Does your belly feel warm? cool? nothing?
- Practice becoming aware of your physical body in the moment multiple times a day. For example, feel your socks on your feet. What is my skin feeling? Are the socks tight, loose, heavy? Is the fabric cotton, synthetic?
 

MEDITATION: I AM GUIDED. I AM CENTERED. I AM CLEAR. I AM INTUITIVE. 

7TH CHAKRA  💎  WHITE  💎  CROWN OF HEAD

What it covers:

- Higher guidance. Spirituality. Consciousness. Unity. 
- Your need for spiritual contact.

How to strengthen it:

- Meditation.
- Rituals. 
- Call in energies - who do you want to talk to? 
- Gratitude.
- Your job while you are on Earth is to discover your beautiful, unusual self and live your life out loud - not only to bring lasting joy into your life but to share the energy of feeling whole with the rest of the universe. 
- The thing that keeps us from moving forward in our lives is fear. From there, we create defense mechanisms, which are behaviors that distance us from being fully aware of unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and actions. What are yours? 

MEDITATION: I AM PRESENT. I AM WISE. I AM CONNECTED. I AM BEING. 

Also see: Chakra Resource Center